There is a deep, deep well of compassion that exists in the universe. The depths of this are unknown. If Alice fell in it back on independance day back in 1865 she would still be falling, at this point probably wondering if she may eventually reach the bottom.
The deeper one falls into compassion's abyss, the more love one can feel and express, and the more one expresses love, the farther into compassion one plummets. What a rush, as one falls. This is not a fall that instills terror or fear. The leap benefits all and inspires all.
This compassion is not a perpetual giddyness. This compassion smiles with the joys of others, crys tears with the tears of others. This compassions heart sinks into the pit of it's stomach with the anxiety of others. In all it lives in the perfect community of all mankind and reinforces all mankind by giving us the gift of feeling for one another. We are in perfect community and reinforce one another, so that no one is abandoned or alone.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Be at peace
That is the way i try to close out all of my e-mails. But really it has been more advise given than advise taken. It's a nice sentiment, a pleasant dream; but like our witness, can it hold any water if we ourselves do not live it?
Can i tell you to be at peace if i myself am in perpetual turmoil. If i harbor hate, can i instill in others the need to find peace?
i find that i am most at peace when i am driving in my truck, or sitting in the woods. The irony here is that recently, more often than not, even when i am in one of my quiet spots all i have been able to think about is that which brings me the most angst. But today on my way into work i found a sense of peace about the universe. It came with the realization that i have to surrender all that i hold as static in my life. My house, my truck, my hobbies, even my station.
This is not the easiest thing to swallow, but the more that i meditate on it, the more truth i find in it. From the perspective of a family head it is even harder, but again, like my witness of the goodness of God, am i living what i say that i believe? Does padding the walls of the bubble that my children live in actually serve them best?
True before i can openly abandon everything i know to be comfortable i must have the full unity of my wife, but the children are still young. It would be easier to teach them now, than to unteach and reteach them later, once they are comfortable and ingrained with a particular pattern.
In meditating on this peace, i found that i must re-examine the things in my life (work) that frustrates me most (work) and ask myself, "Why?" Why, does it frustrate me. Are my reasons noble (no)? Have i allowed others opinions to poison my mind (yes), or are my ideas and frustrations wholly my own (no).
In all of this, i must also accept criticism, punishment, and persecution for my actions, and i must accept them unbegrudgingly.
There is a lot too this and it is hard. It is hard to wrap my mind around this at all times of day. It is easy to grasp when i am still, quiet and alone. When the world seems to be moving faster than the speed of thought, though, it is infinitely harder to keep hold of this peace.
Can i tell you to be at peace if i myself am in perpetual turmoil. If i harbor hate, can i instill in others the need to find peace?
i find that i am most at peace when i am driving in my truck, or sitting in the woods. The irony here is that recently, more often than not, even when i am in one of my quiet spots all i have been able to think about is that which brings me the most angst. But today on my way into work i found a sense of peace about the universe. It came with the realization that i have to surrender all that i hold as static in my life. My house, my truck, my hobbies, even my station.
This is not the easiest thing to swallow, but the more that i meditate on it, the more truth i find in it. From the perspective of a family head it is even harder, but again, like my witness of the goodness of God, am i living what i say that i believe? Does padding the walls of the bubble that my children live in actually serve them best?
True before i can openly abandon everything i know to be comfortable i must have the full unity of my wife, but the children are still young. It would be easier to teach them now, than to unteach and reteach them later, once they are comfortable and ingrained with a particular pattern.
In meditating on this peace, i found that i must re-examine the things in my life (work) that frustrates me most (work) and ask myself, "Why?" Why, does it frustrate me. Are my reasons noble (no)? Have i allowed others opinions to poison my mind (yes), or are my ideas and frustrations wholly my own (no).
In all of this, i must also accept criticism, punishment, and persecution for my actions, and i must accept them unbegrudgingly.
There is a lot too this and it is hard. It is hard to wrap my mind around this at all times of day. It is easy to grasp when i am still, quiet and alone. When the world seems to be moving faster than the speed of thought, though, it is infinitely harder to keep hold of this peace.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
God sends. . . deer?!?
A friend of mine pursues God with his all. This tale may seem somewhat unbelievable, perhaps a bit like coincidence, but the events in this story are true, as related by the man that lived them. (Isn't that a great way to start a story?!?!)
My friend has no job as you and i understand jobs, but he has devoted his whole life to working with kids in the local youth detention center. He avidly studies eschatology and eagerly awaits the return of the Lord. In his dealings with everyone, especially the kids, he shares his love of God, and what he has learned and studied of the end of the world.
Recently in conversation with one of the kids in the youth center, he was told that one of the other chaplains wished that my friend would spend more time teaching about love and dealing with life now, and less time on the end of the world. This as you can imagine was discouraging.
The next day he sat in his tree stand, for you see, he is an avid bow hunter, and he likes to spend his time in the woods, where he brings his pocket bible and reads. And so it was that he was sitting in his tree stand thinking about the conversation that he had with the young man, and the comments about his focus. He commit his time to the Lord, brought out his pocket bible and opened it at random hoping to receive a message from the Lord. He opened his bible to Revelation 22:10 which reads: "Then he told me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time is near."
His first thought was that there was an amazing chance that this was a coincidence, but that it could also be a message from God. So in his uncertainty, he prayed, "Lord, if this is the real deal, i need a sign so that I will know that that this is not just a coincidence. Send me a deer and i will know."
No sooner had he he finished praying than a forked antlered buck walked out of the woods and directly to him. He shot and hit it in the shoulder. It was the first antlered deer that he has ever shot.
This story is true. It confirms for me some thoughts of Blumhardt about expecting God to be active in this day and age in our lives.
My friend has no job as you and i understand jobs, but he has devoted his whole life to working with kids in the local youth detention center. He avidly studies eschatology and eagerly awaits the return of the Lord. In his dealings with everyone, especially the kids, he shares his love of God, and what he has learned and studied of the end of the world.
Recently in conversation with one of the kids in the youth center, he was told that one of the other chaplains wished that my friend would spend more time teaching about love and dealing with life now, and less time on the end of the world. This as you can imagine was discouraging.
The next day he sat in his tree stand, for you see, he is an avid bow hunter, and he likes to spend his time in the woods, where he brings his pocket bible and reads. And so it was that he was sitting in his tree stand thinking about the conversation that he had with the young man, and the comments about his focus. He commit his time to the Lord, brought out his pocket bible and opened it at random hoping to receive a message from the Lord. He opened his bible to Revelation 22:10 which reads: "Then he told me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time is near."
His first thought was that there was an amazing chance that this was a coincidence, but that it could also be a message from God. So in his uncertainty, he prayed, "Lord, if this is the real deal, i need a sign so that I will know that that this is not just a coincidence. Send me a deer and i will know."
No sooner had he he finished praying than a forked antlered buck walked out of the woods and directly to him. He shot and hit it in the shoulder. It was the first antlered deer that he has ever shot.
This story is true. It confirms for me some thoughts of Blumhardt about expecting God to be active in this day and age in our lives.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Prayer fat
Ugh, what a day. It's Saturday, hunting season, and i should have been out in the woods sitting beneath a tree. Alas i woke up and my wife was home with two of the kids and a friend.
She told me that she wanted me to stay home and play cards. So of course i did.
By staying home, i actually found that i had an extra hour before work (had i gone out i would have been coming out of the woods just in time to get to work). The wife had to leave with the kids and friend, so not only did i have an hour to spare, but i had an hour alone. . . cool.
It's been a long time since i have just sat and prayed, and i have to admit that it was a bit of a struggle to just sit there, and pray. But i did, not for long, but i did. Wow are my prayer muscles out of shape. Got just a little prayer fat i guess. The weird part was how hard it was to stay focused. It was hard, but it was good. i hope to make a better habit of this, and maybe drag the wife in on it too!!!
She told me that she wanted me to stay home and play cards. So of course i did.
By staying home, i actually found that i had an extra hour before work (had i gone out i would have been coming out of the woods just in time to get to work). The wife had to leave with the kids and friend, so not only did i have an hour to spare, but i had an hour alone. . . cool.
It's been a long time since i have just sat and prayed, and i have to admit that it was a bit of a struggle to just sit there, and pray. But i did, not for long, but i did. Wow are my prayer muscles out of shape. Got just a little prayer fat i guess. The weird part was how hard it was to stay focused. It was hard, but it was good. i hope to make a better habit of this, and maybe drag the wife in on it too!!!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
A little man time
What a day! Thursdays are the days that i have no family. The wife is off to work, the babies are off to daycare and the oldest is off to school. i work nights, so Thursdays are a blessed day, a day of uninterrupted sleep! Yeah!!!
In my efforts to become more self sufficient and healthier in eating habits, i hunt. Personal feelings and questions of ethics aside, it is not a bad thing. Some see it as inhumane. . . most of the same people eat at Burger King. Go figure.
Anyway, my oldest asked if he could go sit in the woods with me. Of course i was all over that. Time with just me and my oldest son is a covetted thing. So off we went. i figured we wouldn't see anything. . .he is five, and if you can figure out how to get a five year old to sit still for any length of time i would sure like to know. So we spent our time eating Reeses Pieces and whispering back and forth (pretending to be still and quiet).
We talked about everything from the candy we were eating to what a leaf falling sounds like. But the best part was when we got to talking about my father, who is three years deceased. My son asked if he was in heaven, then we talked about all the people that we would be able to see in heaven. We came around to Zacheus, a tax collector from back in the day, who was a bit of a crook. My son came to the conclusion (by himself mind you) that the most important thing in life is not stuff, but helping other people.
What a rush to hear my five year old tell me that the most important thing in life is to help other people. One of the more joyful moments in my parenting career!
We didn't see anything, and it was cold out, but we did keep the Reeses people in business one more day. It was a good thing that we brought the KitKat's too. . . cuz the Reeses didn't last long!
In my efforts to become more self sufficient and healthier in eating habits, i hunt. Personal feelings and questions of ethics aside, it is not a bad thing. Some see it as inhumane. . . most of the same people eat at Burger King. Go figure.
Anyway, my oldest asked if he could go sit in the woods with me. Of course i was all over that. Time with just me and my oldest son is a covetted thing. So off we went. i figured we wouldn't see anything. . .he is five, and if you can figure out how to get a five year old to sit still for any length of time i would sure like to know. So we spent our time eating Reeses Pieces and whispering back and forth (pretending to be still and quiet).
We talked about everything from the candy we were eating to what a leaf falling sounds like. But the best part was when we got to talking about my father, who is three years deceased. My son asked if he was in heaven, then we talked about all the people that we would be able to see in heaven. We came around to Zacheus, a tax collector from back in the day, who was a bit of a crook. My son came to the conclusion (by himself mind you) that the most important thing in life is not stuff, but helping other people.
What a rush to hear my five year old tell me that the most important thing in life is to help other people. One of the more joyful moments in my parenting career!
We didn't see anything, and it was cold out, but we did keep the Reeses people in business one more day. It was a good thing that we brought the KitKat's too. . . cuz the Reeses didn't last long!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The simple life
i can't seem to get into my book tonight. Partly because it is so steady at work. Steady generally means noisy, and i am so darned distractable . . . is distractable a word?
i am a bit bummed about it because i am in the middle of this great story about a couple of life long friends who are odds about their approach to life and what brings real happiness. The story is basically a series of conversations between the two. The arguments are obviously well thought out by the author (Tolstoy), so to some degree the feel a bit staged, but still so captivating.
That being said, i have been thinking about Jesus' statement about his yolk being easy and his burden light. i may be wrong but i think he even mentions that his way is easy for those who love him. In the end i have come to the conclusion that yes, his way is easy, when we simply live. It is easy when we simply love, when we don't make a bunch of pomp and circumstance about being a disciple and just do. When we don't think so much about it, when we don't make religion out of life, when don't plan out love, and seek out a spefic demographic, it is a light burden.
When we don't look to getting out of life, what we can for us, of how we gain, but just love, the burden of love is not much of a burden at all.
For me i guess the hardest part is (and i want to be careful how i word this so i don't seem pompous - because i suck at life anyway) waiting for opportunities to love people. Waiting for opportunities that are above and beyond because in my impatience, what should be enough in th emundane things in life is often not enough to appease me. Like i said, i suck at life. . . even i can't be content with what i should, and i certainly don't put enough into loving in the mundane things in life.
i am a bit bummed about it because i am in the middle of this great story about a couple of life long friends who are odds about their approach to life and what brings real happiness. The story is basically a series of conversations between the two. The arguments are obviously well thought out by the author (Tolstoy), so to some degree the feel a bit staged, but still so captivating.
That being said, i have been thinking about Jesus' statement about his yolk being easy and his burden light. i may be wrong but i think he even mentions that his way is easy for those who love him. In the end i have come to the conclusion that yes, his way is easy, when we simply live. It is easy when we simply love, when we don't make a bunch of pomp and circumstance about being a disciple and just do. When we don't think so much about it, when we don't make religion out of life, when don't plan out love, and seek out a spefic demographic, it is a light burden.
When we don't look to getting out of life, what we can for us, of how we gain, but just love, the burden of love is not much of a burden at all.
For me i guess the hardest part is (and i want to be careful how i word this so i don't seem pompous - because i suck at life anyway) waiting for opportunities to love people. Waiting for opportunities that are above and beyond because in my impatience, what should be enough in th emundane things in life is often not enough to appease me. Like i said, i suck at life. . . even i can't be content with what i should, and i certainly don't put enough into loving in the mundane things in life.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
An outside look
i have two different blogs now and the journal that i keep at home. Sometimes the content is the same, many times none of them seem to have anything to do with one another. Somedays, i feel safe sharing thoughts here, other days my myspace blog seems the more comfortable. Some thoughts hide in my journal presumably to never be read, except perhaps in some future generation by one of my relatives. If nothing else it will give them an insight to their really bizarre ancestor.
One thing about the public blogs that i like are that even when, in my mind, my thoughts are private, others can see them and respond. i find this to be particularly helpful when one is toying with interesting but dangerous thoughts.
Yeah for accountability. Yeah for friends (and strangers) that can say, "Whoa there big boy (or girl), let's rethink that."
Yeah for inspiration through dialogue!
One thing about the public blogs that i like are that even when, in my mind, my thoughts are private, others can see them and respond. i find this to be particularly helpful when one is toying with interesting but dangerous thoughts.
Yeah for accountability. Yeah for friends (and strangers) that can say, "Whoa there big boy (or girl), let's rethink that."
Yeah for inspiration through dialogue!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Mini-trip South
We survived our trip to Belvalle. Barely. It was an action packed weekend of meeting, conversing, working (but only a little), hiking, eating, conversing some more. It was far too short. What a joy it was to see Georg, Maida and Daniel, and to get to put faces to names like Nathan, Simeon, Dave, and Mario.
Most of the weekend was spent pondering forgiveness. When we weren't pondering it, we were discussing it. All of this in lite of the recent school shooting in Pennsylvania, and the Amish response. How moving it was to consider the level of forgiveness even in spite of such a tragic loss. As a father i can't help but wonder if i am even capable of a portion of that forgiveness, or if i would seek revenge.
This weekend and the following days have been productive. Thinking about forgiveness, and reflecting as honestly as possible about my life, has left me struggling. Community, the Bible, the Church, Jesus, i understand these things, in my head at least. But is there any evidence in my heart of God. Do i know him in my heart, or is the Creator just an academic idea that kicks around inside my brain. No! i want for him to be so much more. i want to feel Jesus in the way that i read others write about their experiences. i want to commune with the creator intimately. i want to stop lying to myself, and pushing God out when my mind wants to wander to places it ought not to be. i want to not desire things, lust after power, possession, control. i want to be firm and single minded.
There was something about being in Belvalle, being in close community with others of like mind. i was able to put aside all of the thoughts that i struggle with. i was able to, rather than lust for power and possession, shed off these distracting thoughts and put them out of my mind. It was busy, but it was peaceful. For it's speed, the rythm of life was much different. Much different, more peaceful.
i long for community, intentional community, but i don't want to force it. i don't want it to be the Russell community. It should be a community built by God, and so God will build it. But what a time it will be to take a step back and just exist in God, living outside of the rat race, but coexisting with it. That is what i long for. . . .
Most of the weekend was spent pondering forgiveness. When we weren't pondering it, we were discussing it. All of this in lite of the recent school shooting in Pennsylvania, and the Amish response. How moving it was to consider the level of forgiveness even in spite of such a tragic loss. As a father i can't help but wonder if i am even capable of a portion of that forgiveness, or if i would seek revenge.
This weekend and the following days have been productive. Thinking about forgiveness, and reflecting as honestly as possible about my life, has left me struggling. Community, the Bible, the Church, Jesus, i understand these things, in my head at least. But is there any evidence in my heart of God. Do i know him in my heart, or is the Creator just an academic idea that kicks around inside my brain. No! i want for him to be so much more. i want to feel Jesus in the way that i read others write about their experiences. i want to commune with the creator intimately. i want to stop lying to myself, and pushing God out when my mind wants to wander to places it ought not to be. i want to not desire things, lust after power, possession, control. i want to be firm and single minded.
There was something about being in Belvalle, being in close community with others of like mind. i was able to put aside all of the thoughts that i struggle with. i was able to, rather than lust for power and possession, shed off these distracting thoughts and put them out of my mind. It was busy, but it was peaceful. For it's speed, the rythm of life was much different. Much different, more peaceful.
i long for community, intentional community, but i don't want to force it. i don't want it to be the Russell community. It should be a community built by God, and so God will build it. But what a time it will be to take a step back and just exist in God, living outside of the rat race, but coexisting with it. That is what i long for. . . .
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Gaining momentum. . .
Ha! What a week, and it's not over yet. We received a pretty hefty chunk of change this week, we are still not sure how the IRS is going to look at it, but if they are merciful we will have enough to put a new roof on the house, and finish the downstairs apartment (or at least get it well underway). Lord willing by next autumn we will be ready to move another family in.
i have to confess that i miss the kind of community, hard community that we had with Georg and Maida. The good news is that we are going to see them over the weekend!!
One of the benefits of such a close community is the accountability. i took a call last week from the chairman of the town council. i have served on the council in the past, but when my term had expired i found myself glad to be rid of it. As i get older and my ideologies evolve, i find myself less and less impressed with our system of government. We have created a system that now rules us, rather than having us rule the system.
i was certain at the end of my last term that i was done with politics, and that i had a deep rooted feeling against politics. Then came that phone call. Now i find myself tempted to get back involved. This is in part because they sought me out, in part because the man that asked me commands my respect, partly because i think that some opportunities lay in wait, and partly because it's fun and power is appealing. Of course, filling the position will make me a hypocrite and i am not so excited to put on that hat.
What are the motives? Are they pure? Would i have a purpose other than to just fill a seat and vote occasionally?
All of these things i am considering, but also the true weight of my convictions. If i can bend on this will i crumple under other circumstances in other convictions?
The next week will be telling. . .
i have to confess that i miss the kind of community, hard community that we had with Georg and Maida. The good news is that we are going to see them over the weekend!!
One of the benefits of such a close community is the accountability. i took a call last week from the chairman of the town council. i have served on the council in the past, but when my term had expired i found myself glad to be rid of it. As i get older and my ideologies evolve, i find myself less and less impressed with our system of government. We have created a system that now rules us, rather than having us rule the system.
i was certain at the end of my last term that i was done with politics, and that i had a deep rooted feeling against politics. Then came that phone call. Now i find myself tempted to get back involved. This is in part because they sought me out, in part because the man that asked me commands my respect, partly because i think that some opportunities lay in wait, and partly because it's fun and power is appealing. Of course, filling the position will make me a hypocrite and i am not so excited to put on that hat.
What are the motives? Are they pure? Would i have a purpose other than to just fill a seat and vote occasionally?
All of these things i am considering, but also the true weight of my convictions. If i can bend on this will i crumple under other circumstances in other convictions?
The next week will be telling. . .
Saturday, September 30, 2006
LIfe surfing
Life has been funny lately. Perhaps the little hiatus that Saturday Night took during the months of July and August helped. It was a dark summer to begin with. Aside from the visit from the Barths and the birth of Adelyn, there was little that went well from my perspective.
Many compare life to a journey through valleys and up and over mountains. It would seem that as of late, life is more like riding a surf board in the tidal zone. Life as journey implies a sense that we govern our path and circumstances. Life on the water implies a position of response and reaction to life moving past.
There is that quote i like, "How we live is what we believe, everything else is just words."
Tonight i read Jesus response to that statement. "Do not merely listen to the word, and so decieve yourself. Do what it says."
The changes that have come since August in both the Saturday Night Group and the Sunday Fellowship have been more than exciting. At least from my perspective.
As an exciting start in a new direction, a "young lady" has come back into our circle who was widowed a couple of years ago. To boot, she has suffered from cancer and ongoing chemo treatments and complications from that. She is lonely and reaches out. She is a bit overwhelming. She is one of God's creation.
Starting this week we will be going to her. She is now home bound and doesn't have many visitors. Thank God that sometimes he throws opportunities in front of us so clearly that we couldn't miss it if we wanted to.
Thank the Creator that we have opportunity to love. i seek, we seek, a greater, deeper community. Something intentional and tightly woven together. How can we achieve that until we can master the smaller, simpler facates of love.
Practice makes perfect.
Many compare life to a journey through valleys and up and over mountains. It would seem that as of late, life is more like riding a surf board in the tidal zone. Life as journey implies a sense that we govern our path and circumstances. Life on the water implies a position of response and reaction to life moving past.
There is that quote i like, "How we live is what we believe, everything else is just words."
Tonight i read Jesus response to that statement. "Do not merely listen to the word, and so decieve yourself. Do what it says."
The changes that have come since August in both the Saturday Night Group and the Sunday Fellowship have been more than exciting. At least from my perspective.
As an exciting start in a new direction, a "young lady" has come back into our circle who was widowed a couple of years ago. To boot, she has suffered from cancer and ongoing chemo treatments and complications from that. She is lonely and reaches out. She is a bit overwhelming. She is one of God's creation.
Starting this week we will be going to her. She is now home bound and doesn't have many visitors. Thank God that sometimes he throws opportunities in front of us so clearly that we couldn't miss it if we wanted to.
Thank the Creator that we have opportunity to love. i seek, we seek, a greater, deeper community. Something intentional and tightly woven together. How can we achieve that until we can master the smaller, simpler facates of love.
Practice makes perfect.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The beginning of the last chapter of the end of the story. . .
i drove to work tonight. i like to drive. There is something that happens when i drive, especially alone. It's like life slows down to a near stand still as creation races by as though in a hurry to meet oblivion.
There is a stretch of wetland between my house and work. A wonderfully misunderstood world of quazi-stagnant water and ferns. Oaks, and maples, birch and frogs and mushrooms. It's been officially autumn now for four days, and the leaves have been evolving to an artist's stroke for some time. But it wasn't until tonight that i actually noticed the autumn creeping in and subduing this particular wetland area. It was calming, almost too calming.
About 13 seconds is all that it takes to traverse the whole of the swamp by vehicle over route 25, but it seemed that much longer. Like the truck moved through at the speed of life, but i was dragged behind in time. i noticed the color of each individual leaf, and the trees preparing to fein death for a peaceful winters rest. i noticed the bark on each tree, and the wind as it grabbed each tree by the base of the trunk and shook them vigorously.
It was like the Nexus. . . i wanted more. i want more of that.
There is a stretch of wetland between my house and work. A wonderfully misunderstood world of quazi-stagnant water and ferns. Oaks, and maples, birch and frogs and mushrooms. It's been officially autumn now for four days, and the leaves have been evolving to an artist's stroke for some time. But it wasn't until tonight that i actually noticed the autumn creeping in and subduing this particular wetland area. It was calming, almost too calming.
About 13 seconds is all that it takes to traverse the whole of the swamp by vehicle over route 25, but it seemed that much longer. Like the truck moved through at the speed of life, but i was dragged behind in time. i noticed the color of each individual leaf, and the trees preparing to fein death for a peaceful winters rest. i noticed the bark on each tree, and the wind as it grabbed each tree by the base of the trunk and shook them vigorously.
It was like the Nexus. . . i wanted more. i want more of that.
The beginning of the last chapter of the end of the story. . .
i drove to work tonight. i like to drive. There is something that happens when i drive, especially alone. It's like life slows down to a near stand still as creation races by as though in a hurry to meet oblivion.
There is a stretch of wetland between my house and work. A wonderfully misunderstood world of quazi-stagnant water and ferns. Oaks, and maples, birch and frogs and mushrooms. It's been officially autumn now for four days, and the leaves have been evolving to an artist's stroke for some time. But it wasn't until tonight that i actually noticed the autumn creeping in and subduing this particular wetland area. It was calming, almost too calming.
About 13 seconds is all that it takes to traverse the whole of the swamp by vehicle over route 25, but it seemed that much longer. Like the truck moved through at the speed of life, but i was dragged behind in time. i noticed the color of each individual leaf, and the trees preparing to fein death for a peaceful winters rest. i noticed the bark on each tree, and the wind as it grabbed each tree by the base of the trunk and shook them vigorously.
It was like the Nexus. . . i wanted more. i want more of that.
There is a stretch of wetland between my house and work. A wonderfully misunderstood world of quazi-stagnant water and ferns. Oaks, and maples, birch and frogs and mushrooms. It's been officially autumn now for four days, and the leaves have been evolving to an artist's stroke for some time. But it wasn't until tonight that i actually noticed the autumn creeping in and subduing this particular wetland area. It was calming, almost too calming.
About 13 seconds is all that it takes to traverse the whole of the swamp by vehicle over route 25, but it seemed that much longer. Like the truck moved through at the speed of life, but i was dragged behind in time. i noticed the color of each individual leaf, and the trees preparing to fein death for a peaceful winters rest. i noticed the bark on each tree, and the wind as it grabbed each tree by the base of the trunk and shook them vigorously.
It was like the Nexus. . . i wanted more. i want more of that.
The beginning of the last chapter of the end of the story. . .
i drove to work tonight. i like to drive. There is something that happens when i drive, especially alone. It's like life slows down to a near stand still as creation races by as though in a hurry to meet oblivion.
There is a stretch of wetland between my house and work. A wonderfully misunderstood world of quazi-stagnant water and ferns. Oaks, and maples, birch and frogs and mushrooms. It's been officially autumn now for four days, and the leaves have been evolving to an artist's stroke for some time. But it wasn't until tonight that i actually noticed the autumn creeping in and subduing this particular wetland area. It was calming, almost too calming.
About 13 seconds is all that it takes to traverse the whole of the swamp by vehicle over route 25, but it seemed that much longer. Like the truck moved through at the speed of life, but i was dragged behind in time. i noticed the color of each individual leaf, and the trees preparing to fein death for a peaceful winters rest. i noticed the bark on each tree, and the wind as it grabbed each tree by the base of the trunk and shook them vigorously.
It was like the Nexus. . . i wanted more. i want more of that.
There is a stretch of wetland between my house and work. A wonderfully misunderstood world of quazi-stagnant water and ferns. Oaks, and maples, birch and frogs and mushrooms. It's been officially autumn now for four days, and the leaves have been evolving to an artist's stroke for some time. But it wasn't until tonight that i actually noticed the autumn creeping in and subduing this particular wetland area. It was calming, almost too calming.
About 13 seconds is all that it takes to traverse the whole of the swamp by vehicle over route 25, but it seemed that much longer. Like the truck moved through at the speed of life, but i was dragged behind in time. i noticed the color of each individual leaf, and the trees preparing to fein death for a peaceful winters rest. i noticed the bark on each tree, and the wind as it grabbed each tree by the base of the trunk and shook them vigorously.
It was like the Nexus. . . i wanted more. i want more of that.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Declaration of obedience. . .Would some call this a statement of faith?
A good friend asked about my thoughts on the "Sermon on the Mount". It is questions like these that i cherish. It is questions like these that have been coming up repeatedly lately, as though to say, "Hey! Wake up. Do you know what you believe? Do you believe in the living Creator or the system that has been built up around him?"
"How we live is what we believe. Everything else is just words."
"I have only recently become a follower of Christ, as opposed to just a believer in Christ. . ."
These two quotes just keep circle my brain. i have skimmed through those passages in Matthew again, and am forced to admit that there is a great deal that i am not sure about. Of all of these things there are a few things that i am certain about:
1) There is only one church.
2) No prayer brings salvation without a life of obedience.
3) No life of obedience is possible without a growing understanding of Love.
4) A life of obedience brings with it the obligation of submission to brothers and sisters.
5) Motives are as important, and sometimes more important that actions. They are a result of the true condition of the heart.
6) A life of obedience requires the continued willingness to surrender everything, and contentment with nothing.
These are just thoughts, works in progress. There is a lot to learn, to know. . . i grasp so very little of it.
Thanks Phil!
"How we live is what we believe. Everything else is just words."
"I have only recently become a follower of Christ, as opposed to just a believer in Christ. . ."
These two quotes just keep circle my brain. i have skimmed through those passages in Matthew again, and am forced to admit that there is a great deal that i am not sure about. Of all of these things there are a few things that i am certain about:
1) There is only one church.
2) No prayer brings salvation without a life of obedience.
3) No life of obedience is possible without a growing understanding of Love.
4) A life of obedience brings with it the obligation of submission to brothers and sisters.
5) Motives are as important, and sometimes more important that actions. They are a result of the true condition of the heart.
6) A life of obedience requires the continued willingness to surrender everything, and contentment with nothing.
These are just thoughts, works in progress. There is a lot to learn, to know. . . i grasp so very little of it.
Thanks Phil!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Sometimes there just isn't much to say. . .
Sometimes it's nice to have nothing so say. At least nothing that could be construed or misconstrued as quasi-philosophical, preachy or maybe even deep.
Today has just been, "blah". i am sitting in a desk that i don't much care for in a job that i have come to loath. Working a job that is more a farce than anything else. . .
i would be a liar if i didn't say that this isn't my fault. This past two months has been full of corrections, self revelations, and really obvious answers to questions that i have. Somewhere down deep i know that there are paths out of things that i allow to hold me down, but for whatever reason, i seem to be happier being held down. . . or afraid to take the steps necessary to move forward. i wonder if my father ever felt this way.
i have a wife and family, a house, bills. . .maybe even an aspiration or two. my own aspirations and belongings (including to house) i could give up. The family is a whole different story. i can't just ask them to pick up and move on a whim. It wouldn't be just once, and it wouldn't be to some happy place. Were we to move, it would be some place in trouble, some place where danger lived, and not holed up in a cave, but walked the streets among the general populous.
Of all of the thoughts that have crossed the threshold of my mind recently is the simple command, get rid of all anger, bitterness, hatred, etc. . .written to the church in Ephesus.
Today has just been, "blah". i am sitting in a desk that i don't much care for in a job that i have come to loath. Working a job that is more a farce than anything else. . .
i would be a liar if i didn't say that this isn't my fault. This past two months has been full of corrections, self revelations, and really obvious answers to questions that i have. Somewhere down deep i know that there are paths out of things that i allow to hold me down, but for whatever reason, i seem to be happier being held down. . . or afraid to take the steps necessary to move forward. i wonder if my father ever felt this way.
i have a wife and family, a house, bills. . .maybe even an aspiration or two. my own aspirations and belongings (including to house) i could give up. The family is a whole different story. i can't just ask them to pick up and move on a whim. It wouldn't be just once, and it wouldn't be to some happy place. Were we to move, it would be some place in trouble, some place where danger lived, and not holed up in a cave, but walked the streets among the general populous.
Of all of the thoughts that have crossed the threshold of my mind recently is the simple command, get rid of all anger, bitterness, hatred, etc. . .written to the church in Ephesus.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Priorities. . .
Saturday Nights have continued to evolve as is inevitable. We had a great honeymoon period full of excitement laced with moments of really sincere communion with each other and God. Toward the end of the honeymoon period we became comfortable. We talked about where it is we might be going. We continued to explore harder topics. We realized that this was work, that even in a struggle to be different and deeper we looked the same as much of the rest of the "church". Some struggled to move forward in depth, others wanted to stick with the patterns that we have grown up with. Many ran forward with the armour of God and the artillery of self.
We struggled, and struggle still. We try to put our definition and expectations onto the fellowship, some struggle to break the chains of the establishment, some continue to divide the church into function specific gatherings.
In the end, the church is the church, and there is only one. We are the culmination of all of our talents and gifts, craddled in the bassinet of God's will. Being the church is really a very delicate balance. Like the food web, the loss of one link can cause the web to collapse.
We have to find our balance. Too much of anyone thing can cause the corruption of the whole. The church in the hands of man leads to religion. Too much program, too much self, too much organization, too little organization, too little honesty. . . any of this and more can drive us into danger.
NOTHING should be done out of selfishness. At the root of all sin is the promotion of self or the seeking of self interest. It's subtle, and hard to see at times, but it's everywhere. Yes, everywhere. It's in the "church". How often has the phrase, "i didn't feel fed" slip from someones lips after a Sunday morning meeting?
Do we go to "church" to be fed? No! This is selfishness.
First we don't go to "church", we are the Church. Secondly when the Church meets, we should not meet with the intention of being fed, we should meet with the intention of feeding others. When we meet, and we are all concerned about feeding one another, we will not need to worry about being fed because everyone else will be working to feed us.
Further i would postulate that when we walk away unfed, it is not the result of others failure to create a lesson that connects with us, but rather it is our failure to seek God.
James wrote in a letter, "You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not recieve, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on you pleasures."
Motives. . . how often does it come back to motives. Who do we serve? Which is the greatest command?
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."
"The greatest among you will be your servant."
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another in love."
I hold that absolutely nothing should be done with ourselves in mind. NOTHING. Instead, we should approach everything from a slaves perspective.
It would behove us to learn to unity. Seek the Church, and not my "church". Whether we meet in the same fellowships or different ones we are part of the Church. We should seek to support one another, encourage one another, serve one another, love one another.
Avoid putting expectations on each other. Rather than expect under some sort of judgement (no matter how small or severe), be full of joy when we meet. Work together as much as we can, and when we can't encourage to the fullest of our capability (in reality and not just in word).
When the bride says, "Come!" Let it be with the right motives, and not out of a desire to escape our particular circumstances, or to call judgement on anyone. Together in obedience we will do powerful things and when we cry together, "Come Lord!" He will see that our hearts are one, and our motives are pure . . .
We struggled, and struggle still. We try to put our definition and expectations onto the fellowship, some struggle to break the chains of the establishment, some continue to divide the church into function specific gatherings.
In the end, the church is the church, and there is only one. We are the culmination of all of our talents and gifts, craddled in the bassinet of God's will. Being the church is really a very delicate balance. Like the food web, the loss of one link can cause the web to collapse.
We have to find our balance. Too much of anyone thing can cause the corruption of the whole. The church in the hands of man leads to religion. Too much program, too much self, too much organization, too little organization, too little honesty. . . any of this and more can drive us into danger.
NOTHING should be done out of selfishness. At the root of all sin is the promotion of self or the seeking of self interest. It's subtle, and hard to see at times, but it's everywhere. Yes, everywhere. It's in the "church". How often has the phrase, "i didn't feel fed" slip from someones lips after a Sunday morning meeting?
Do we go to "church" to be fed? No! This is selfishness.
First we don't go to "church", we are the Church. Secondly when the Church meets, we should not meet with the intention of being fed, we should meet with the intention of feeding others. When we meet, and we are all concerned about feeding one another, we will not need to worry about being fed because everyone else will be working to feed us.
Further i would postulate that when we walk away unfed, it is not the result of others failure to create a lesson that connects with us, but rather it is our failure to seek God.
James wrote in a letter, "You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not recieve, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on you pleasures."
Motives. . . how often does it come back to motives. Who do we serve? Which is the greatest command?
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."
"The greatest among you will be your servant."
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another in love."
I hold that absolutely nothing should be done with ourselves in mind. NOTHING. Instead, we should approach everything from a slaves perspective.
It would behove us to learn to unity. Seek the Church, and not my "church". Whether we meet in the same fellowships or different ones we are part of the Church. We should seek to support one another, encourage one another, serve one another, love one another.
Avoid putting expectations on each other. Rather than expect under some sort of judgement (no matter how small or severe), be full of joy when we meet. Work together as much as we can, and when we can't encourage to the fullest of our capability (in reality and not just in word).
When the bride says, "Come!" Let it be with the right motives, and not out of a desire to escape our particular circumstances, or to call judgement on anyone. Together in obedience we will do powerful things and when we cry together, "Come Lord!" He will see that our hearts are one, and our motives are pure . . .
Saturday, September 02, 2006
The gypsy revival. . .
There was time when living in one place seemed foolish. Now i suffer from the disease called Americana. The false philosophy that i deserve whatever i want, and that i should pursue all that i want. i guess if my desires are well directed then yes, i should pursue all that i want (but this is not justifying the pursuit of crap a.k.a. all the stuff i think i need). As for deserving all that i want. . . Why? Why am i deserving just because i was born in this country if others are not deserving just because they were born in poverty or under oppression? We were born under the same circumstances. We are born, and bleed and hurt and love and heal, and die. So why am i deserving?i have a great wife, wonderful kids, a house, a yard, two cars. . .
There was a day that this would have made me vomit. Maybe it should again. Of course we are all called to different lives, and we are given the wonderful blessing of choice. To some degree we get to choose how to live. How much are we willing to give back?
i have been inundated recently with hurricane Katrina "one year later". It's everywhere. People looking back. Some for healing, some to remember better times. Some seeking inspiration. And i think of the gypsies.
For those like me who dream of being in the middle of hell on earth to help people who were born "less deserving", the gypsy life style is perfect. Home on the road. Having the freedom to live wherever, whenever it is necessary. Have odd jobs to build a bit of capital, and then move to where there is need, to provide assistance without being a burden. Work while you are needed. Move and get some odd jobs, build up some capital and move on to share your blessing with others in need.
i hope if anyone breaks free from the disease of Americana and discovers the beauty and wealth of blessing of the pseudo-gypsy revolution that they write and share the blessing and inspiration.
There was a day that this would have made me vomit. Maybe it should again. Of course we are all called to different lives, and we are given the wonderful blessing of choice. To some degree we get to choose how to live. How much are we willing to give back?
i have been inundated recently with hurricane Katrina "one year later". It's everywhere. People looking back. Some for healing, some to remember better times. Some seeking inspiration. And i think of the gypsies.
For those like me who dream of being in the middle of hell on earth to help people who were born "less deserving", the gypsy life style is perfect. Home on the road. Having the freedom to live wherever, whenever it is necessary. Have odd jobs to build a bit of capital, and then move to where there is need, to provide assistance without being a burden. Work while you are needed. Move and get some odd jobs, build up some capital and move on to share your blessing with others in need.
i hope if anyone breaks free from the disease of Americana and discovers the beauty and wealth of blessing of the pseudo-gypsy revolution that they write and share the blessing and inspiration.
Friday, August 11, 2006
A month of gains and losses
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."
That is how Jeff once began his end of the year thoughts after the closing campfire during a time of reflection.
i am sure that somewhere in history someone stole Jeff's opening thoughts, but we will forgive a work of lesser importants. Now that Jeff is gone, moved on to better home, those words almost sting. Funny, of all the conversations we had, those ring out again to me as though they were his own words and not a play on someone elses.
July was the beginning of a hard summer (well, not the beginning of summer but the beginning of change). i may remember it as the darkest summer of my life to date, but so much revelation and conviction came out of it, not to mention the birth of my daughter, that it wasn't really all bad.
Jeff's transition marked the end of an amazing era. An era with such impact that the funeral had to be arrainged over at least three continents. i mourn our loss, but celebrate our gain from both his life and untimely passing.
My daughter was born four weeks early, and just five days before i was to make a pilgrimage back home to celebrate Jeff's life with a myriad of friends. Then came the worst of times. Adelyn was having health "issues". i use the word issues because they weren't problems perse (they are normal issues for premature kids), but they were enough that she wasn't going to be released from the hospital.
This created conflict because i would have to choose between staying in town, and going home. On the surface the solutions seems an easy one, but there were, and are many underlying plot twists that made it not an easy decision to make.
The readers digest version (or the morale of the story):
i stayed. i am not at peace about quite a bit of this decision, but it was the one that needed to be made. First, because my wife asked me to stay, and i needed to serve her. Second, because my elders thought it wise. There is such a straying from what we see in the early church about obedience to the body and to Christ over our will, that this became a very pivotal reason for my staying. Thirdly, i was in conflict. With no peace about either option sometimes the best thing is to stay where you are. And so it was.
Someone on Myspace had written, "What you live is what you really believe. Everything else is idle chatter."
Powerful, convicting, true. i am a firm believer in the continuity of life beyond what is here and now but i apparently don't live (or haven't lived) as though i really believe it. i know that Jeff lives on, yet i still mourn him and place undo amounts of importance on rituals that focus on death. i mourn totally unnecessarily. i say this because why mourn for one who isn't dead?
If i am mourning for myself, that is selfish, and where is the merit in it?
Certainly this will be a summer to remember, to learn from. The passing of Bob Avila, the passing of Doane, the passing of Steve Irwin (yea, i confess i am a huge fan - but not obsessive), the meeting of Georg and Maida, the birth of Adelyn, the list goes on. . .
On so many levels the time has come to live what believe, and believe what we live.
That is how Jeff once began his end of the year thoughts after the closing campfire during a time of reflection.
i am sure that somewhere in history someone stole Jeff's opening thoughts, but we will forgive a work of lesser importants. Now that Jeff is gone, moved on to better home, those words almost sting. Funny, of all the conversations we had, those ring out again to me as though they were his own words and not a play on someone elses.
July was the beginning of a hard summer (well, not the beginning of summer but the beginning of change). i may remember it as the darkest summer of my life to date, but so much revelation and conviction came out of it, not to mention the birth of my daughter, that it wasn't really all bad.
Jeff's transition marked the end of an amazing era. An era with such impact that the funeral had to be arrainged over at least three continents. i mourn our loss, but celebrate our gain from both his life and untimely passing.
My daughter was born four weeks early, and just five days before i was to make a pilgrimage back home to celebrate Jeff's life with a myriad of friends. Then came the worst of times. Adelyn was having health "issues". i use the word issues because they weren't problems perse (they are normal issues for premature kids), but they were enough that she wasn't going to be released from the hospital.
This created conflict because i would have to choose between staying in town, and going home. On the surface the solutions seems an easy one, but there were, and are many underlying plot twists that made it not an easy decision to make.
The readers digest version (or the morale of the story):
i stayed. i am not at peace about quite a bit of this decision, but it was the one that needed to be made. First, because my wife asked me to stay, and i needed to serve her. Second, because my elders thought it wise. There is such a straying from what we see in the early church about obedience to the body and to Christ over our will, that this became a very pivotal reason for my staying. Thirdly, i was in conflict. With no peace about either option sometimes the best thing is to stay where you are. And so it was.
Someone on Myspace had written, "What you live is what you really believe. Everything else is idle chatter."
Powerful, convicting, true. i am a firm believer in the continuity of life beyond what is here and now but i apparently don't live (or haven't lived) as though i really believe it. i know that Jeff lives on, yet i still mourn him and place undo amounts of importance on rituals that focus on death. i mourn totally unnecessarily. i say this because why mourn for one who isn't dead?
If i am mourning for myself, that is selfish, and where is the merit in it?
Certainly this will be a summer to remember, to learn from. The passing of Bob Avila, the passing of Doane, the passing of Steve Irwin (yea, i confess i am a huge fan - but not obsessive), the meeting of Georg and Maida, the birth of Adelyn, the list goes on. . .
On so many levels the time has come to live what believe, and believe what we live.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Organized chaos and the timing of timing. . .
One of the hardest things to do, or rather not to do, is jump ahead of the ball. It is immeasurably difficult to not plan ahead, or try to move forward before the timing is right. The desire to find a big farm, or acquire a big space to live in the city is great, but we are not there yet. There are only two of us right now. There are several people who flutter around the idea, like moths around a light after dark, but no one that i know of is ready to make the jump to communal living.
So who knows what the future will bring. All that i know for now is that i have to be patient. . . but it is so darned hard. . .
So who knows what the future will bring. All that i know for now is that i have to be patient. . . but it is so darned hard. . .
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Simply live
Georg and Maida have left the building. . . actually the state. In someways there visit accounts for my lack of thoughts lately. Life was action packed and vibrant with them here at home.
Alas, the community had other tasks for them and they are home now.
In their wake is left a great number of thoughts and a call to be obedient. Above all things i know that as we strip away all of the religiousity out of life, that we need to simply live.
God comes and touches us in our daily lives. In our comings and goings, in our breathing, our crying, and our smiles. The creator did not make us to seek buildings, or books, though books can help.
i wonder as i struggle to be open to God moving, if the hardest part of seeking is God is sometimes that we seek God. We search, as men seek treasure chests, or children hunt for easter eggs, and often the tunnel vision sets in.
Think of the last time you sat in a park or nature and stared at the skies, and wondered about the clouds, or the stars, or how the branches of trees hang high over head. There is God. We are left breathless, and in wonderment - the same way a child is enamoured by swarms of bubbles, or lightening bugs over a field at night. There God is.
Alas, the community had other tasks for them and they are home now.
In their wake is left a great number of thoughts and a call to be obedient. Above all things i know that as we strip away all of the religiousity out of life, that we need to simply live.
God comes and touches us in our daily lives. In our comings and goings, in our breathing, our crying, and our smiles. The creator did not make us to seek buildings, or books, though books can help.
i wonder as i struggle to be open to God moving, if the hardest part of seeking is God is sometimes that we seek God. We search, as men seek treasure chests, or children hunt for easter eggs, and often the tunnel vision sets in.
Think of the last time you sat in a park or nature and stared at the skies, and wondered about the clouds, or the stars, or how the branches of trees hang high over head. There is God. We are left breathless, and in wonderment - the same way a child is enamoured by swarms of bubbles, or lightening bugs over a field at night. There God is.
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