Find a quiet place and say this prayer verbatem. . .

Your focus determines your reality

Actually an odd title. It would imply that reality is relative, when in fact it isn't. As i have written before, i can choose to not believe in gravity, and yet there it is. To word it better, perhaps it should read, "Your focus determines your interpretation of reality". Or maybe, "Your focus determines the way you will perceive and interact with reality."
". . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
These words written to the church in Philipi.
i have observed that some, myself included, are fixers. We want to fix things, to make them fit into a neat little box. Something that conforms with the way we think that things should be.
We on the Saturday Night Walk have run aground. Our last couple of weeks discussions have turned into a bit of a me, me, me fest. Several of us have seen it, some have not, some are not contributing to the matter, and others go on without seeing it, while the last group uses the "me,me,me" mentality as an excuse to vent it's frustrations. Ultimately what we believe or think is irrelevant.
We are commanded to love. Perfect love allows us to forget ourselves. Those who come together to fill their cup miss the true purpose of community. Community is a time to meet together to edify one another.
Remember the old adage, "It is better to give than to receive"? That is at the heart of community. We do not worry about offering one another material possessions, sustenance or support. We offer them love, and in love all of the other needs are fulfilled.
When we walk away from our time of gathering, if we say to ourselves, "My cup wasn't filled", then we suffer from one major problem - selfishness.
Yes we need to be filled, but i equate the this situation to tunnel vision. When we look too hard for something we become so focused that we often miss it even though it may be sitting right in front of our noses. And so it is when we meet. We must follow the example of Jesus and pour ourselves out as a living offering, unconcerned with our own needs. Jesus made it clear that God the father knows what we need even before we ask. He knows we need clothes, he knows we need food, he knows we need love.
We often talk about our cup overflowing. i assure you in faith that by pouring ourselves out in spirit and in truth completely as an offering to the God of all creation our cups will be full, full to the point of overflowing.
When we come together there will be differences, and there will be sin. Ignoring the sin will allow it to grow and spread, putting focus on the sin will make it the center of attention that is better spent elsewhere. Focus on what is right, what is pure. . . Put your energy into things that are worth devoting your time to. Focus on the good, and blessed and in that we will work out the negative. The sin will be dealt with, the differences will disappear or become so much less apparent.

Peace.

Hmmmmm. . .

What a pain, human emotions. Being torn between peace, and anxiety.
One of life's funny little ironies is having joy while writhing in anguish. Anguish brings with it nervousness, fear, anxiety, sadness, depression. . . While joy brings with it contentment, peace, happiness (not temporal), optimism. . .
As if life isn't it's own ball of chaos just dealing with ourselves, then we go and throw others into the mix. i see it at work all the time. It happens at home. Then there is our church (yes dear there is just one) - it happens there too, to our own eternal disgrace.
Selfishness. . .It's all just selfishness. It's not the kind of selfishness that deprives others in order to create gain for ourselves. It's the kind of selfishness that demands "my way".
"i have an idea", "i feel", "i believe", "i need". The truth of the matter is that what we feel, what we believe, what we need are really of no consequence whatsoever. i choose to not believe that there is oxygen. Well, what i believe is irrelevant because there is oxygen.
When we come together do we bring with us expectations? Do we look to have our needs filled? i have heard repeatedly that when we meet we come together to fill our cup. Well, i would wager that this is false doctrine, or perhaps just plain crap. When we come together, we come together to edify one another, not ourselves. i come to edify you. In edifying others i myself am edified. My cup is much more than adequately filled by the overflow!!

The greater good

And what is it?
i suppose that i am writing this as much for me as anyone. There is no secret that i love my job only slightly less than the prospect of nuclear annihilation, and yet i am here. Were i not married, and had i no children i think that i would be moving on. Still i am here, and it is not like there aren't other options. i could move on, but then there are ramifications. What about my wife's social and psychological well being, and what about the house we just bought, and what about the baby that is coming. . .
i would love for nothing more than to move on, but there is an unnerving need to stay. i am here, and i believe that i am here for a reason. i would love nothing more than to move on. . . but it isn't time yet, that i know.
So in the meantime it is spring, a time for change. In this time i want to take advantage of some of my rights as an American citizen. Some of these rights seem trivial and are trivial in the greater scheme of things, but still they are my rights. . . or are they?
What is the greater good. . . to pursue freedom but run the risk of appearing to be using God for my own gain, or to submit to the powers that be - even if they may not be right. As i sit here, i can't help but long for those rights and privileges that i am entitled to under the constitution, but the means under which i could gain access to these would cause me to use religion as a tool of leverage. While i don't believe that i subscribe much to a religion, it could still be construed that i am using God for my gain. That i can not abide.
What a pickle. Do i sin by not pursuing my (and ultimately the rights of freedom of others), or do i sin by pursuing my rights citing points of the old law which are totally arguable.
Either way i burn. . .

And so it is.

Life is taking some unexpected turns. Call it a midlife crisis, blame it on spring, call it what you will. Without a calendar life is just one long string of moments. Without time there is no repetition of the moments. They don't have names, these moments. We don't expect them to happen at a certain time, or in just such a fashion. Winter last year is not the pattern for winter this year. This winter is it's own animal.
We don't count our life, by years or seasons. Life simply happens. There are some similarities along the path. One pine tree looks much like another, they are similar but different. The seasons of our life are similar but different.
Take the telephoto lens of your perspective and pan out. Smaller, always smaller we look. Details, that is what we are after, and the more powerful the microscope, the more detail we can see. But back up. Enjoy life for the panorama that it is. A beautiful horizon that stretches east to west seemingly endlessly.
i am my father's son, but i am not my father. i am my grandfather's offspring, but i am not he. We will have moments when we blur together, but my journey is not their journey. What is age, but an invention of man. In the beginning there was no death, and no need for time, and i would venture to say no time. What is time but the lens of the microscope that we peer through to seem more detail.
Detail is not bad, but so closely how could you enjoy the Grand canyon, or the simple beauty of the whole night sky. With a telescope we can see a planet up close, in detail. With the naked eye we can see the whole splendor of the heavens. . .

Just something fun i read. . .

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Failure in conformity. . .

What a rollercoaster life is. Sometimes i want to just disappear into the harmony of a song. i think that the world in my head is way easier than reality. Not to mention more fun. Perhaps i need to start taking my skittles.
Kat made me a really cool CD. There is a lot on it that hums the tune that my heart swims in. i would hate to be defined by the music that i listen to or worse the thoughts of the artists. But i am not good with words, and sometimes other articulate better what i am feeling than i. If i could take parts of all of those verses and sew them together, perhaps i could write my life in melody.
That's the thing about music. . . like love, it is the language of life, but to make a great song you need many people, many parts. Like a symphony is made up of so many instruments, or a choir is more than a few voices. The beauty of it is that each voice and each instrument is beautiful on it's own, but the sound becomes all consuming as you add the rest of the orchestra.
The symphony of the world is playing in many different keys now. The rhythm is out and there is no continuity of flow. Life has become a river of class 5 rapids, and the journey down it is treacherous and difficult to enjoy.
Writing like i have been lately makes wonder as though perhaps i am depressed, but i am not. i don't want to sound like a whiner but perhaps i do. It really is a matter of being malcontent and not knowing how make the repairs necessary. A conductor i am not!!
When i started doing what it is that i do, i thought that i was helping people. i no longer believe that is the case. 80% of my job consists of helping people remain dependent on the system or buffering people from the realities of life - furthering the cause of individualism and eroding community.
Were it not for my family i would have disappeared already, but now i have them - and i love them. They do not hold me back truly, but they prevent me from jumping. i don't know if that is bad or balanced. It is hard to articulate my thoughts, feelings, and song to them, because it defies all that i have been taught to know. Capitalism, individualism, imperialism - these all represent failures of mankind. Nelly Furtado may have said it best, "life's too short to live for you", or maybe Sara Mac, "One mans gain represents others losses." (ok that maybe mis-worded but the content is the same.)
Bottom line, my wealth is stored up for naught - and others are dying.