Post-midnight rantings.

As I sit here in my chair at work, I am overcome with a sense of loss. I hate what I have become in light of my own selfishness. The side of me that is a perfectionist who could never dream to aspire to the heights of my own standards, the part of me that has always excelled at everything and been thrust into positions of authority often before I was ready, is at complete odds, with the idealist. The side that sees and hopes for what the world could be but bucks at what the world is. My job, or my town, or my family or my life are not the bliss or perfection or bare the balance that they could and so I rebel, and fight, and neglect for the sake of making some statement that could never be understood outside of the sickened walls of my own mind.
And so here I sit, completely overwhelmed at my own foolishness. I hate that I am in a situation that is so unbearably inferior to what it could and should be. We should be helping people but we are not. We should be encouraging health, and personal responsibility, but we are not. It should be all for one, with servant’s hearts we should consider the needs of the others, while neglecting our own, only to be nourished by the others that consider our needs before their own. I am not giving my all, and I feel the fool to face my own incompetence. Yet, I can not in good conscious give that part of myself because there is so much that lends to an environment of self promotion and feeds the political gluttony of others.
Therein lays the root problem. I am a hypocrite. In frustration I concede, and abdicate myself to my own selfish desires.
I dream of an attainable society, a culture where we promote each other. We possess, but we possess only because others provide, and others possess only because we provide. This is a community that is governed by an economy of equality. There are no rich or poor. People don’t use their gifts or talents or goods to get ahead, but to provide lovingly for everyone. No one seeks for their own good, but for the good of the whole.
I dream of a society that is self sufficient and ecologically viable. We do not take more than we need. We take possession of the land and master it, but do not destroy it. We can look at technology and use it, but can turn it aside, when we see that balance with creation outweighs convenience.
We tend to the widows and the orphans. We fill the needs of the down trodden and teach them to provide for themselves. We trust that God will provide for our needs and do not horde out of fear. Walking through life, we absorb the beauty of each moment and cherish it in our minds and continue to the next moment not clinging to what is behind us, but submerging ourselves in the moment that we live in.
We hold ourselves accountable to one another and when necessary we hold one another accountable. No nation governs us, so we are not filled with any geographical, ethnic or racial pride. We look to the future, and do not fear death as though death is the end of all things. We embrace what is both inevitable and natural. We accept that life is not flesh. Life does not rot as flesh rots. We do not fear aging, but celebrate it, cherish it, learn from it, and use it as tool. Our elderly are not a burden but a blessing, just as our children are a blessing. Families tend to their members and communities tend to families. People are not discarded when they are deemed useless, or as baggage. The middle carries both extremes, the young and the old, and celebrates the joys and wisdom that come with both.
Magistrates are servants, and leaders are humble. Government is not declared by popularity but by obedience to wisdom, and no one person assumes absolute power, for no man is infallible. . .all people live in peace. Not perfection for now, for perfection comes later, but they live in peace.