Simplifying the kingdom of Heaven

God is not looking for heroic figures - wonderful people - who captivate others with their charisma. It must have been quite baffling to the educated world when Jesus pronounced, "Blessed are the poor in spirit" - blessed are the uneducated, those who do not try to understand everything with their intellect! Blessed are they who do not have to impress others by showing how smart they are. Blessed are they who are not always theorizing about spiritual things. What Jesus is saying is that it is the day laborers who are blessed, those who live from hand to mouth and yet are skilled with their hoe or pickax. Blessed are the Farm workers with their plow, who can't think much about anything except how best to do their work. Blessed are the craftsmen who create their handicraft and work hard to finish it on time but do not have time to read many books. Blessed are all such people whom we label uneducated - for these people are taught by God.
The kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these, those who are poor in spirit - for it is these who understand God, for they live according to their hearts. The others live according to their heads and thus cannot be used. They are too concerned about what might happen and don't leave the Father freedom to act.

- Christoph Blumhardt

The power of nothing. . .

Ok, so not so much nothing as little. Being still, passive, quiet. i think of power, and instinctively i think of bombs, of raging fires, of steroid enhanced super body builders. Try and imagine life with absolutely no motion whatsoever, not even on a molecular scale. It's like imagining absolute nothingness. . . It can't be done.
It takes some effort to think about rain drops, a gentle breeze, and stopped movement. i suppose that there are two expressions of power. One is the kind of power that comes forcefully and can not be stopped. It is the force that changes landscapes, fells giant trees, or drops gigantic buildings.
The second is the kind of power that stops movement. It travels inwardly exploring the truest caverns of peace. It takes motion and pressure and paralyzes them both in a passive manner. This power is the power that allows us to have the clearest and most lucid of thoughts, and bring us to the truest place of peace and balance.

Same Bat times, different bat channel

Tonight was pleasant, in spite of the fact that i am five hundred plus miles away from Amy and the kids.
i am in Sackett's Harbor, New York. George and Maida have been with us for just over a couple of days. Tonight was the first clear night that we have seen in several weeks, so George and i decided to walk from my mother in law's house (we are helping her move back to Maine), to Lake Ontario. What a night! It was so much like the many walks that my brother and i would take in down town Santa Cruz, all those years ago. But that was when we were neither married. i thought those days would never end. Then they did. Then i thought i would never get those days back.
i know that these days, like those, are fleeting. George and Maida and Daniel will have to return home eventually. But it has been such a nice reminder that sometimes old things are not lost, they are just made new!!!

-isms

The view from the fence is nice. Not a popular place to ride from anymore it seems, especially if you go bareback, but all of the discomfort and splinters are offset by the amazing view. i have had a week of wonderful conversations this week ranging from matters of religious expression, to local and state politics (The state primaries and local elections are coming up in a few days). What a society and probably a world of black and white we have become. It seems that everything is all evil or all good. Whether it's candidates, religious expression or varieties of wine. Its numbing that we take all or nothing. People are judged by their affiliations rather than for their hearts, and character, and groups are judged wholly on their public face rather than by the members that make them up (ok, so the last statement doesn't seem to make sense from the get go, but there is quite a bit of logic behind it). Hang on while i go and get the tweezers, got another splinter. Nobody is either all good, or all bad! Yes that's right, neither Bush, nor Hussein, nor Hitler. Not even Osama! Yes they suffer from an excess of bad judgment, but they can not be all bad. Likewise for the staunch democrat. . . Bush isn't all bad. Or for the fundamentalist Christian. . . Buddhism isn't all bad. If it were it couldn't share many of the same teachings of Jesus, or one would have to argue that Jesus couldn't be all good. So what's my point?The world isn't black and white. Any line of thinking or organization, the "-isms" as i like to call them (racism, feminism, sexism, etc), that focuses solely for the advancement of their people above all else are wrong! Not totally wrong, because everyone should have their causes supported, but they should not be advanced to the loss of others. There must be balance. All people treated equally. If we spent more time seeking the good in people, and building them up, and less time seeking out the negative (which is usually much more blatantly obvious) and making it our purpose to *fix* everyone else, maybe we wouldn't fight so much. The view from the fence here is good, though i do have some recommendations.
1) Avoid the white picket variety, they tend to smart a little.
2) Find one with a wide gate.
3) Probably not a bad idea to invest in a saddle. . .Otherwise at least a pair of tweezers.

g'mornin' all!

The havoc of peace in chaos

Oh the joy of a bad memory. It humors me anyway! i can't tell you the number of days i have double booked or sometimes triple booked. Every now and again i am able to find a way to work things out, but there are other times when i find myself in a pickle. For whatever reason i find myself in that position again. This of course is partly my fault, but more for reasons of bad communication than actually double booking myself. This is just a crazy time of year. This weekend one great friend graduates, we have a yard sale to help support another friend, i have to work Friday and Saturday night, we have a gathering of the church on Saturday and Sunday, i am supposed to pick up the new chicken coop Saturday, and my mother in law is trying to move from New York to Maine, and i am supposed to help with that. All of the strain has taken my 8 month pregnant wife right to the brink of insanity, as has it my mother in law. They had what i call a "festive interlude" last night. Then of course my wife called me in a failed attempt to debrief and to let me know that a couple was coming to stay with us for a month or so. Originally they were slated to show up in July, but they called to say they would be here Saturday. . . . It was a strange feeling as i listened to my wife (i could feel her angst rising along with her blood pressure), you could here the concern and stress in her voice, but for whatever reason the more i thought about how insurmountable this weekend seemed, i know/knew that it is all going to be alright. Sometimes in the midst of chaos God adds one more bit of havoc that helps to bring peace. He will not gives more than we can handle!!! Thank God for that.

Expressions, intentions, and willingness. . .

i am a transplant to New England.
Last night a friend of mine who grew up here was talking to a friend of hers who is also a transplant to the area. During the course of conversation her friend noted how spiritually cold New England seems. My friend asked me if i thought is was true. My answer of course is yes.

i have traveled quite extensively and i have been to no place like New England (well Maine specifically). i don't find it dark, or even a turn off. There are some truly wonderful people and fellowships here, but the aura is very, very subdued - even traditional.

She asked how to change this, and was a bit shocked by her obliviousness to this atmosphere. i think that the answer is fairly simple. In light of all that Amy and i have experienced in the last year, it becomes more and more evident that we need to abandon some of the "old ways" of church. People do not believe because they have not seen. Even the most devout follower of Jesus believes part on faith and part on tangibility. i have seen, therefore i can believe.
The problem lies therein. Few in New England have seen the love of God or the Kingdom lived out.
Monkey see, monkey do. We must live out this love so that others may see it. i do not believe that we can accomplish this living in the fragmented communities that we do. However i would not suggest that we run away and live outside of the world. We need to remain in the world, but in solidarity. Communities supporting communities. We need to be the church instead of churches. We are too spread out, to consumed by our need to possess, and be Americans. Ruled by our schedules rather than ruling them.
Intentions are good, but the kingdom of Heaven is not a matter of talk but of power. We need to become kingdom minded, looking forward to the future and what is to come, and live like we are looking forward to that. We need to put ourselves into a lifestyle that allows us to express our love as Jesus does. We need to be willing to give up everything, right down to our interests, possessions and even our calling.
There are three from the old covenant that we can learn from. Enoch. . .who was called a friend of God, but unfortunately little is recorded about.
Abraham, who gave up his future and was willing to give up his "calling" by sacrificing his son. He was asked to be willing to give it up, but was not ask to actually give it up. And he was willing. He was credited with righteousness for believing God.
David, who although was given a promise about the future, did not seize any opportunity to further that promise. He waited patiently on God to fulfill his purpose. He was one after God's own heart.
We should simplify.

Just some rambelings from the journal

A friend of mine died, and i didn't really know him
my sons been walking, like a toddle, for a week or so.
i have been sitting in a static haze of my own betraying thoughts,
i make a victim of myself lamenting decisions i have made
mourning my past - oh hindsight and duality.
Past shadows of ghosts, and whispers tugging.
my head and my heart argue. clutched like in the midlife.
i think i missed my twenties, but i am not mad
Many of my friends, older and gray. my teachers -
Mentors like i thought they would be back then
But not tomorrow.
Only to say that i regret decision but not decisions.
That hindsight doesn't bleed into foresight.
We choose regret. we opt for joy.
To grapple at love.
What of our selections - our borders - exclusivity.
Mapping out love, it's borderlands and territories.
Like kings and oxen reveering the fence line -
But as buzzards and gazelle to dance with disregard.
my friend, he died - i miss him - gazelle
Wiser fool than we are now. to encompass and understand.
i should tell her - probably not -
Wisdom is the ant.
Hindsight then is foresight now.
Did i mention my friend - he's walking.

Be still. . .

One of the hardest things to come to terms with in life is the simplicity of Jesus teaching. There is something about the way that we think or some inner desire that causes us to snowball toward organization. Perhaps we get bored far too easily especially in this day and age of ADHD. Perhaps the speed of life causes us to need more structure, or our being created in the Creators image drives in us the need to be constantly creating. Some creativity is good, it is pleasing to the senses. Some creativity is pleasing to God. It brings praise. The melody of human voice through fields of poetry, or carried in the winds of song. The manipulations of color and shapes, the building of landscapes adorned with flowers, and their scents and colors. Other building is not pleasing. It erodes the ties that bind us together in love and brotherhood causes the hungry to weaken, the thirsty to grow more parched, and the weak to loose what remains of their waning strength. And yet it seems a part of our DNA, and we can't shake it, and we accept it, and it weighs on us. Our first calling was never to interpret the mysteries of creation or the end of the world, to translate prophesy. As Eberhard Arnold noted toward the middle of the last century; Jesus never called us to interpret his commands, he called us to do them. To love our neighbors AS OURSELVES, to give to the poor, to encourage one another. We were never commanded to figure out God, we were made to love him, and no man large or small has been given the right to tell us how to love God. We are all unique, and God has made us so for a reason. He has called us to worship him in spirit and in truth. That worship can never be attained through repetition of another mans technique or system. In spirit and in truth we are called to worship and praise God from our own longings, with our own words, and our own crying out. From the passions that drive us we are to devote ourselves to praise of God, which is nothing more than accepting that we have made nothing, and that all of life and its accoutrements are gifts to us. And worship is no more than a matter of obedience, an idea not well received by many of us, especially Americans. The saddest truth is that we are to be obedient to two of the simplest, most no nonsense rules; Love God, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. This is hard because it means the total removal of selfishness, and that everyone is equal. No man or woman is any greater than any other, regardless of race, or stature. To love is simple, to love is hard. We have to shed all pride, and selfishness, and stretch ourselves out in honesty and candor. To live in obedience to Jesus is not to meet on Sundays, sing songs and say prayers, but to meet together daily, to encourage one another, provide for the needs of one another and seek the kind of love that Jesus lived.

Love eliminates selfish ambitions.

i spent some time in the town offices today. While conducting my business i wandered over to the tax maps and started exploring some of the properties around my house. my wife and i have wanted to add a little bit more to our house lot, and there is plenty of open land around us.
During the course of my exploration an employee of the town pointed out that my neighbor was a number of years behind in his property taxes. In fact next year the town will be tax acquiring his property and auctioning it off.
He is a quiet man. i have never talked more than the equivalent of two or three paragraphs to the man, but i have seen him around the neighborhood, helping out neighbors.
At first my thought was wow. . . i am sure that i can move in and buy some land cheaply off of him and settle his account with the town.
In retrospect, as i drove home pleased with my new discovery it hit. . . in that ha-ha the new cliche told you so sorta way. What would Jesus do?
Do nothing out of selfish ambition. Do good in secrecy don't do it for the approval of man. They sold to provide for others. I needed shelter and you gave me a place to stay. . . can the list go on?
Jesus would pay the man's debt (actually he did - different debt though). What is love? Have i gone without? Am i without? Is my house in the greatest of shape? NO! Are there things i need? Maybe? Are there things i would like to have and do? Yes.
What would love do?

It's late, i'm tired. . . Life is smurfy

We have been brought up in an age where we have learned to define God. It has become our habit to define God in terms of our experience, rather than defining ourselves in terms of God's experience. Perhaps it is a problem ingrained in us because we are created in the image of a creative God. We have come to see ourselves as the apex of evolutionary perfection.
We have conscience, we have can think both rationally and abstractly. We have dominated and by right are deserving to govern ourselves and everything else in creation.
Governing and ownership are two completely different things, that we sometimes confuse. We have been charged to govern things here, and somehow we have confused the issue and are treating creation as though we own it.
Ownership has bred greed. How much can we own, how much can we make ours. What is it about ownership and possession that gives us comfort? It distracts us for a time from what is inevitable.
Greed.
In our greed we scrounge for more. Our lust to own helps us to forget God. But in collecting we rob from others. We hoard more than we can use, and we knowingly allow others to go without. Maybe the smurfs had it right. Perhaps, pure communism isn't as bad as it has been made out to be.

In a quiet place.

Tonight may have been one of the better nights of my life. Let me clarify. . . there was a two and one half hour span of shear bliss, tantamount to sitting in camp (Pico) without anyone around. It is spring, but it has been a warm spring up here. This evening i was on the phone with an old friend that i have reconnected with for the first time in years. As we talked i set up the green house with a camp chair, candle and some incense. It was amazing. It was peaceful. i watched the sunset on the mountains, the clouds and sky were pink and lavender. There were song birds out. As the sky darkened i lit the candles and the incense and just sat there in my camp chair. i prayed a bit, and just spent time enjoying the painting we live in. There was so much to be said about seeing God's creation. There were expressions of love, of peace, of power. There was song, and smell, and stillness. i left the green house that night, well after having watched the near full moon rise. It almost pained me to walk back into the house. Like getting out of a hot tub after having relaxed for some time. i felt good. Ready to take on the world - or just exist in it, and walk through the colors.

"Be still and know that i am God", says the creator. Tonight that was so.

Some Ramblings from Myspace. . .

Were you to check out my "blog subscriptions" you might notice that a couple of them don't match any names on my friends list. No i am not a stalker - at least not that i know of. i have always tried to view this whole blogging thing as an opportunity to write down unfinished thoughts., candid thoughts. i have tried to write for myself hoping to use this "journal" as an avenue to more completely explore some of the ramblings that haunt me. In the archives here are several blog postings that no one will ever unravel because they frankly don't make any sense. Reading them may bring one to believe that they were crafted by a trained circus monkey. Some blog postings here are reminiscent of the babbling thoughts of Vizzini. Not a stitch of coherence to them. Ultimately for all my attempts to be candid and to myself, it still floats through my mind that people read these things. Am i sometimes embarrassed? Yes, for my lack of proper spelling or punctuation. For my lack of intelligent thought. So what does all of this have to do with my subscriptions. . . They interest me. They keep me connected. People are very complex. We are who we are, but sometimes it is hard to truly see the whole spectrum of a person. No person can look into the mind of another. Men specifically tend to be more intimate and gentle, and honest when writing than they feel they can be in person. Once a thought is on paper (or screen) it is freed from the prison of the ego. It is out and there are no more borders to hold it in. Nothing for it to hide behind. And so i like to read what people think. Tonight i found out that someone that in fact i am only now getting close to has a blog outside of Myspace country. She is someone that up until recently i only knew superficially, but as i read her blogs, i have had the priviledge of getting to know her better. It is the same way with all of the blogs that i subscribe to and read regularly. i have the opportunity to see into the souls of other people. Something meaty, something real. It is awesome, because it connects people in some strange abstract way. But like i rely on musicians to help me express myself through song (i can't write songs or play them to save my life), i have found that i rely on others to help me explore the human experience. my friends write with styles totally unique to them, but beautiful, and different. Their writings sometimes resonate with my soul, though i could never write with the same voice - nor am i meant to. Perhaps that is why i so enjoy reading their thoughts. It appeals to the adventurer in me. Their writings allow me to explore parts of the human experience i would otherwise have no way of reaching. i honestly don't really pay attention to the people that read these pages. Well, not that is, before this morning. i didn't realize that there were people that subscribed to this (poor you). i was flattered to find out that people do read these blubbering. Please keep in mind though, my thoughts are seldom complete, especially if i am just writing them down. my hope is that someway, somehow my thoughts help others in the same way others help me. In an age of technology it seems that the tools that we use to be more connected only help to distance us really. So the one consolation prize is that to some measure we are able to find a means of getting to be deep, real, and intimate with one another in spite of our distance and disconnectedness.

It's a girl. . .

Well, verdict is in - It's a girl.

i wasn't sure what i would really think about it all, but i am happy. Yeah, i may be a little sarcastic and spin yarns about how my little sister tortured me through childhood, or how i dread having two women in the house when the teen years set in, but truth be told, i am quite excited. Now i wont have to wonder what it would have been like to have a "daddy's girl", and i will get to give her away at her wedding.
The bad news is that poor girl is stuck with me as a father. i guess we will see who ends up in more therapy sessions. My only hope is that she will embrace Jesus the way that he embraces us. i have great hopes for all of the kids, and hope that they will simply love God.

Find a quiet place and say this prayer verbatem. . .

Your focus determines your reality

Actually an odd title. It would imply that reality is relative, when in fact it isn't. As i have written before, i can choose to not believe in gravity, and yet there it is. To word it better, perhaps it should read, "Your focus determines your interpretation of reality". Or maybe, "Your focus determines the way you will perceive and interact with reality."
". . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things."
These words written to the church in Philipi.
i have observed that some, myself included, are fixers. We want to fix things, to make them fit into a neat little box. Something that conforms with the way we think that things should be.
We on the Saturday Night Walk have run aground. Our last couple of weeks discussions have turned into a bit of a me, me, me fest. Several of us have seen it, some have not, some are not contributing to the matter, and others go on without seeing it, while the last group uses the "me,me,me" mentality as an excuse to vent it's frustrations. Ultimately what we believe or think is irrelevant.
We are commanded to love. Perfect love allows us to forget ourselves. Those who come together to fill their cup miss the true purpose of community. Community is a time to meet together to edify one another.
Remember the old adage, "It is better to give than to receive"? That is at the heart of community. We do not worry about offering one another material possessions, sustenance or support. We offer them love, and in love all of the other needs are fulfilled.
When we walk away from our time of gathering, if we say to ourselves, "My cup wasn't filled", then we suffer from one major problem - selfishness.
Yes we need to be filled, but i equate the this situation to tunnel vision. When we look too hard for something we become so focused that we often miss it even though it may be sitting right in front of our noses. And so it is when we meet. We must follow the example of Jesus and pour ourselves out as a living offering, unconcerned with our own needs. Jesus made it clear that God the father knows what we need even before we ask. He knows we need clothes, he knows we need food, he knows we need love.
We often talk about our cup overflowing. i assure you in faith that by pouring ourselves out in spirit and in truth completely as an offering to the God of all creation our cups will be full, full to the point of overflowing.
When we come together there will be differences, and there will be sin. Ignoring the sin will allow it to grow and spread, putting focus on the sin will make it the center of attention that is better spent elsewhere. Focus on what is right, what is pure. . . Put your energy into things that are worth devoting your time to. Focus on the good, and blessed and in that we will work out the negative. The sin will be dealt with, the differences will disappear or become so much less apparent.

Peace.

Hmmmmm. . .

What a pain, human emotions. Being torn between peace, and anxiety.
One of life's funny little ironies is having joy while writhing in anguish. Anguish brings with it nervousness, fear, anxiety, sadness, depression. . . While joy brings with it contentment, peace, happiness (not temporal), optimism. . .
As if life isn't it's own ball of chaos just dealing with ourselves, then we go and throw others into the mix. i see it at work all the time. It happens at home. Then there is our church (yes dear there is just one) - it happens there too, to our own eternal disgrace.
Selfishness. . .It's all just selfishness. It's not the kind of selfishness that deprives others in order to create gain for ourselves. It's the kind of selfishness that demands "my way".
"i have an idea", "i feel", "i believe", "i need". The truth of the matter is that what we feel, what we believe, what we need are really of no consequence whatsoever. i choose to not believe that there is oxygen. Well, what i believe is irrelevant because there is oxygen.
When we come together do we bring with us expectations? Do we look to have our needs filled? i have heard repeatedly that when we meet we come together to fill our cup. Well, i would wager that this is false doctrine, or perhaps just plain crap. When we come together, we come together to edify one another, not ourselves. i come to edify you. In edifying others i myself am edified. My cup is much more than adequately filled by the overflow!!

The greater good

And what is it?
i suppose that i am writing this as much for me as anyone. There is no secret that i love my job only slightly less than the prospect of nuclear annihilation, and yet i am here. Were i not married, and had i no children i think that i would be moving on. Still i am here, and it is not like there aren't other options. i could move on, but then there are ramifications. What about my wife's social and psychological well being, and what about the house we just bought, and what about the baby that is coming. . .
i would love for nothing more than to move on, but there is an unnerving need to stay. i am here, and i believe that i am here for a reason. i would love nothing more than to move on. . . but it isn't time yet, that i know.
So in the meantime it is spring, a time for change. In this time i want to take advantage of some of my rights as an American citizen. Some of these rights seem trivial and are trivial in the greater scheme of things, but still they are my rights. . . or are they?
What is the greater good. . . to pursue freedom but run the risk of appearing to be using God for my own gain, or to submit to the powers that be - even if they may not be right. As i sit here, i can't help but long for those rights and privileges that i am entitled to under the constitution, but the means under which i could gain access to these would cause me to use religion as a tool of leverage. While i don't believe that i subscribe much to a religion, it could still be construed that i am using God for my gain. That i can not abide.
What a pickle. Do i sin by not pursuing my (and ultimately the rights of freedom of others), or do i sin by pursuing my rights citing points of the old law which are totally arguable.
Either way i burn. . .

And so it is.

Life is taking some unexpected turns. Call it a midlife crisis, blame it on spring, call it what you will. Without a calendar life is just one long string of moments. Without time there is no repetition of the moments. They don't have names, these moments. We don't expect them to happen at a certain time, or in just such a fashion. Winter last year is not the pattern for winter this year. This winter is it's own animal.
We don't count our life, by years or seasons. Life simply happens. There are some similarities along the path. One pine tree looks much like another, they are similar but different. The seasons of our life are similar but different.
Take the telephoto lens of your perspective and pan out. Smaller, always smaller we look. Details, that is what we are after, and the more powerful the microscope, the more detail we can see. But back up. Enjoy life for the panorama that it is. A beautiful horizon that stretches east to west seemingly endlessly.
i am my father's son, but i am not my father. i am my grandfather's offspring, but i am not he. We will have moments when we blur together, but my journey is not their journey. What is age, but an invention of man. In the beginning there was no death, and no need for time, and i would venture to say no time. What is time but the lens of the microscope that we peer through to seem more detail.
Detail is not bad, but so closely how could you enjoy the Grand canyon, or the simple beauty of the whole night sky. With a telescope we can see a planet up close, in detail. With the naked eye we can see the whole splendor of the heavens. . .

Just something fun i read. . .

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

Failure in conformity. . .

What a rollercoaster life is. Sometimes i want to just disappear into the harmony of a song. i think that the world in my head is way easier than reality. Not to mention more fun. Perhaps i need to start taking my skittles.
Kat made me a really cool CD. There is a lot on it that hums the tune that my heart swims in. i would hate to be defined by the music that i listen to or worse the thoughts of the artists. But i am not good with words, and sometimes other articulate better what i am feeling than i. If i could take parts of all of those verses and sew them together, perhaps i could write my life in melody.
That's the thing about music. . . like love, it is the language of life, but to make a great song you need many people, many parts. Like a symphony is made up of so many instruments, or a choir is more than a few voices. The beauty of it is that each voice and each instrument is beautiful on it's own, but the sound becomes all consuming as you add the rest of the orchestra.
The symphony of the world is playing in many different keys now. The rhythm is out and there is no continuity of flow. Life has become a river of class 5 rapids, and the journey down it is treacherous and difficult to enjoy.
Writing like i have been lately makes wonder as though perhaps i am depressed, but i am not. i don't want to sound like a whiner but perhaps i do. It really is a matter of being malcontent and not knowing how make the repairs necessary. A conductor i am not!!
When i started doing what it is that i do, i thought that i was helping people. i no longer believe that is the case. 80% of my job consists of helping people remain dependent on the system or buffering people from the realities of life - furthering the cause of individualism and eroding community.
Were it not for my family i would have disappeared already, but now i have them - and i love them. They do not hold me back truly, but they prevent me from jumping. i don't know if that is bad or balanced. It is hard to articulate my thoughts, feelings, and song to them, because it defies all that i have been taught to know. Capitalism, individualism, imperialism - these all represent failures of mankind. Nelly Furtado may have said it best, "life's too short to live for you", or maybe Sara Mac, "One mans gain represents others losses." (ok that maybe mis-worded but the content is the same.)
Bottom line, my wealth is stored up for naught - and others are dying.