talking too much again. . .

Perhaps it is a sign of the season – they say that people get depressed around Christmas. I have read that it is partly because of cabin fever, partly because of the lack of light, partly because of finances at Christmas time. There is a solid foot and one half of snow on the ground. It's beautiful out.

I just can't seem to grapple with what the heck has changed in the house. Everyone is so edgy and tense and grumpy all the time anymore . . . or perhaps I am just becoming aware of it. It's enough to make me believe in this ethereal spiritual warfare that I have been so very skeptical of my whole life.

Lately the more we struggle with the things of God the more we slide down a slippery slope – always something comes up to discourage. Busy, preoccupied, overbooked – overwhelmed. It becomes more and more clear that something has to give. I am praying about this dangerous move in the summer to a single income household, freeing up the missus to devote her time to the kids, the house, the neighborhood. It's all very scary. But there is something in the danger that is enticing – exciting. Still there is a need for discipline that I don't see yet. There is a lot of culture that has to be washed out first so we can resist the need to bury ourselves. Priorities have to change, focus has to change, and faith has to grow. We need to reach a point, I need to reach a point where I am slow to fear, anger and frustration because I need to meet the status quo. We need to our expectations. God willing I would love to be able to take the family to a third world country so that we could taste (for me again) the pure joy of poverty and simplicity. Finding peace in having what we need and wanting what we already have. Not fearing where the money will come from for the bills, not governing our life in Christ around our current lifestyle, or worse yet our expectations of a lifestyle, but being willing to commit ourselves to absolute ruin for the sake of Christ. Offering ourselves on the alter of social suicide so that God can be made to shine in our lives and that He alone will be praised for his goodness.

In short I am scared and excited, but probably more scared.