i would give my left leg for a mountain top right now. . .

Of course it would make climbing it a whole lot harder. It's been a pretty inspiring week (these times seem to come and go a lot now-a-days) I have been holding on to some really good chats and experiences. There was a lot of built up ambition when I got to work . . . then I read my e-mail. Ugh. . .

 

I don't write these things out of spite, or retribution, or rebuke or even anger, but I am so totally crushed at the moment. It's a weakness, sometimes I feel too much – and that feeling can wreck a whole day, sapping just about all that I have.

"No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God's approval." – Paul

 

And indeed we do have differences. We always have, that was part of the allure (is that the right word) of the group because we always agreed that there were things that we disagreed about, and that was good. The honeymoon has been over for sometime – we have all felt it I am sure. But isn't that the next step in a healthy relationship. Letting go of ourselves for the sake of the many (wow, listen to the hypocrite type) we chug along and try to move beyond ourselves.

One of the families (one of whom I am particularly fond of) decided that they wont any longer be meeting with us. Initially I was/am devastated. If I can just get past this I can perhaps look more appropriately at my own error in this situation and look to God to see what the next step may be. Or more correctly – where do we go from here.

The logical side of the ol' think tank though is wondering, "Isn't this good though?" Not that my friends have decided that there are irreconcilable differences but good that I am so confused about the church right now and what it looks like that this might force my hand in making some decisions.

Their arguments in explanation of leaving were good – we spend too much time debating theology and not enough time trying to reach out to people. Meeting recently with our new friends in Lewiston I have been refreshed as they (we) struggle through what does a meeting of believers look like. In conversation with my brother I have been wondering, what is the purpose of meeting anyway? What is it about this covenant thing, this sense of ownership of people that the church tends to cling too?

We are like a mist that comes and goes . . . isn't it enough that we come together and laugh and cry and enjoy our company together. Isn't God in the inane things? Or do we have to meet and when we meet is it some sort of holy of holies gathering?

In the early church we do see that people (apostles) were sent out with the blessing of the leadership of the church, now we are a bunch of "Lone Rangers" who come and go as we please. Which is right? Do we covenant together and submit to one another's leadership or accept and celebrate the brief times that we might share in one another's lives.

The bottom line of it all is that as fragmented as we are I don't think that I will find the answers. If we can shed off this wasteful American way of living, and rely on God and each other to provide more than ourselves and our false sense of self sufficiency I think that answers lie there. The hard part that comes with that is that we have to be willing to give up our dreams of lifestyle. "I want to live in such and such a fashion" – when it becomes a barrier to the deepening of relationships it becomes sin. I fall into this.

If believers only meet with, live with and rely on other believers who live and eat and work and think in the same fashion we get a watered down homogenization of the church as God planned it . . . another word for that I think is denominationalism. It's not God's plan. We won't see it in heaven – why practice it here.

I wish my friends well. We will see each other again. I hope that rather than just go that they will point out my error so that I can repent and grow. We owe that to each other. . .

Thanks Pam!

Yesterday morning I had the good fortune of leaving work early so that I could go to the WMSJ radio station and man the phones for the Compassion International Sponsorship drive. The previous evening on my way into work I heard a blurb from Chuck Swindol on the same radio station in which he discussed how we are affected by the people we surround ourselves with. It is no mystery to anyone who has been reading this blog for any length of time that my work place is a fortress for the disgruntled and self-righteous, and that I find myself falling into both traps at times (probably more often than not when I am at work).

I arrived at the studio 15 minutes early and was greeted by a somewhat conscious couple of D.J.s  so we had a few minutes to get comfy, get the tour and chat (did I mention we had to make some coffee for the all of us). I was shortly thereafter joined by Pam who had come to help, but as I later found out was not a Compassion advocate. Our shift was only four hours, and was relatively slow only a half a dozen phone calls or so, but the conversation that ensued over the course of that four hours I will never forget.

We (Pam, Mark, Chris – they latter two are D.J.s - and i) talked about everything from growing up to the importance of pouring ourselves out for the sake of the poor to sincerely following Jesus to being content with our circumstances regardless of what they are.

Swindol was right. In the four hours I was there I was saturated in "nice", in "positive" and in "happy". Almost unfathomable to me in a working environment, and yet it happened.

What a great morning. 5 kids were sponsored. Not a great number, but that is five more than had sponsors before the morning. The people that sponsored were awesome and had amazing stories about how God had spoken to them. The best was a 6 year old little boy who already had a baby sister and a little brother and a sponsored "brother" in Kenya, but he wanted another little sister so that he would have two brothers and two sisters. So it was that he sponsored a little girl from Peru.

. . . That little boy was my oldest son James!

Just a reminder from the past that is applicable today:

¹ Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers. ² Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

    ⁶ Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and revering him. ⁷ For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills; ⁸ a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; ⁹ a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.

    ¹⁰ When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. ¹¹ Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God , failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. ¹² Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, ¹⁴ then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ He led you through the vast and dreadful desert, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. ¹⁶ He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you. ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." ¹⁸ But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth , and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your forefathers, as it is today.

    ¹⁹ If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed . ²⁰ Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God.

 

(Bold and italics are my additions)

 

 

To work or not to work . . . that is question.

Ok, so apparently I have to make an editorial correction to a previous post. A couple of days ago I posted a quick blurb about a friend of Amy's and her baby. Well . . . as it turns out I was some what misinformed. The tale is for the most part true, as is the moral. The discrepancy is that the baby has not yet been born yet. Mom is in the hospital still and they are pumping her full of festive medications that will hopefully prevent her from finishing the labor process too early (her water has already broken).

 

In other news we had a stellar electrical storm tonight. On my way to work I was enjoying the tail end of it, thinking about life and other fun things. . . It occurred to me that I enjoy the subtle truth of my favorite verse, "be still and know that I am God."

Driving alone in the car with music softly playing in the background, my thoughts seem to be clearest, and I seem to be able to meditate most easily. Yes I am in motion, but everything outside of the vehicle's interior seems not to really exist (have I mentioned that I have also taken some of my best naps on the turnpike . . . while I was driving?).

I was thinking tonight about work situations at home. It seems as though Amy's is going to improve in September, mine is still status quo. It is no mystery that I hate my job, I love what I do (most of the time), but I hate where I work. Wolfgang Simpson has some theories about trusting God and The Church to provide for our needs and that we escape from the confines of the secular work force and commit ourselves to Kingdom work. The more I think about it, the more it is appealing. I hope that it is not because somehow I am lazy, but because it is sound thinking.

At work it seems that I feel shackled, weighted down, and totally unable to tread water (socially and spiritually). When I am not at work I feel like (and know that I act like) a completely different person – it's like multiple personality disorder. I wonder if the experience would be the same if I didn't have to "go" to work.

I don't want to be lazy; I just don't want to slave away in some meaningless office for another man's political gains and a paycheck. It really isn't worth it. Flip side of the same coin, I haven't the faith to just let it all go. I also want to make sure that if I do leave, that it is on a positive note. It's not that I don't put a concerted effort into being the person that I know that I should be at work . . . it's that my concerted effort apparently sucks. I don't know what the answer is I guess, or if I do, I don't know how to go about getting there.

Peace like a river??? Have you ever been down a class 5 rapid?

Today is a day to reflect on gains rather than losses.

 

A friend of Amy's went into the hospital today and delivered her baby very prematurely. The tension in everyone was palpable as the future of this sweet gift was so uncertain. As i prayed i spent some time reflecting on the emotions that might follow should the baby die. In that, my thoughts were turned to my/our approach to this potential tragedy. Part of crisis and healing is a phase of anger. Should the baby die, would we reflect on our loss? Would the parents be crushed under the weights of what could have been? Or is it a better thing, even amidst the hurt, to meditate on what was gained? What lessons can this little one teach us even in a few minutes or hours? How amazing are those first minutes of life, and what a blessing is it to stare into creation?

The baby is in the NICU as far as i am aware at this point, and as far as the doctors have said the prognosis is good at the moment. As we pray and love the family with all that God can give us, the lesson that this little one has taught me is to rejoice in what was gained rather than languish in what was lost.

i don't know

Tuesday - the gardens booming. We spent a grueling day Saturday playing catch up around the house. Mostly in the garden. Jesus once said pray that God will cast workers out into the harvest fields - that kind of sums up Saturday. Amy and i started weeding in the morning, by afternoon people were just coming to the house, and jumping in. We ended up weeding a better part of half. There are some parts now that are so overgrown with gourds that i can't get into them to weed them, but there is still a small section that is in dire need. Hopefully today i will get out there.

Sunday we met with the Church in Lewiston. What a time. It was much like watching a toddler first learn to walk. We met together and seemed at first so uncertain how to proceed. Eventually we caught on, and people interjected as they were led. Then came the conversation! Awesome stuff. Even as utterly undeserving as i am, God has not failed to bless me and speak to me through gatherings such as these.  Many of the deeper truths didn't even come during the discussion time. Finance, humility, honesty, grace, transparency - these were the things i went home pondering

Strangely (or not so strangely), we were supposed to have stayed and gone hiking with our friends in Lewiston, but Amy's knee was really bothering her. We returned home, and ended up across the street at the new neighbors house. What a blessing! We got to meet them, and God opened up some really cool doors that afternoon. There are a lot of similar interests, and only God knows what may come of it. His will be done.

This also should have posted last week . . . so it's not really 0350, well, not anymore.

It's 0350. I am fighting sleep, well, sort of. At work - watching a program on Muay Thai a Thai martial art – very violent, very forceful. It's not often that I feel as at peace about everything as I do right now. It's not a sleepy kind of peace, but just calm – quiet.

There is a lot to do and a lot to be done, not at work, but in life. So much to organize, and people to get in touch with, and plans to make, and projects to be done and still I feel so terribly distracted.

Always doing, making, creating, destroying, reconstructing – never enough time just being. "Be still" was the command. There will always be a time to do, to create, to destroy, to plan, to organize, to repair to be still.

What is there in stillness? Sometimes I wonder is the command a stillness of being? Is it a stillness of living? Just stop, don't do, and don't think, don't work – be still.

Or is it merely a stillness of the mind. Not to stop thinking per se, but to be still in ones mind, free from worry, from planning, from attempting to articulate, from overanalyzing.

When I stop, I find that I notice more. In fact sitting still on a log in the forest I notice more than I do in motion. I won't stop thinking, but I wonder more, I explore more (without moving), I enjoy more, I see more, I hear more, I smell more. There is great joy in stillness. Peace – calm.

This should have posted last week. . .but didn't!

What a week. Uncle James (my brother) was out for a quick visit. I don't think that we stopped moving for the four days that he was here. That was probably a good thing. With the heat we have been having I fear we would have cooked had we stood still for too long.

It was a good visit, never long enough but good. We put up the last of the fencing around the turkey paddock (finally), and they have been appreciating it ever since, and the garden has been booming. We picked and ate a bit out of there. James (my brother) taught me a new recipe for grilling squash and zucchini. Yummy!!!! We went to the beach, and we walked the freedom trail in Boston.

Of our few, but memorable talks, he reminded me a bit of a thought that I had been wrestling with sometime back . . . Who am I to criticize another's servant? And who am I to judge where another man stands or falls with God?

Chris from our fellowship echoed this sentiment in a revelation that he had this past week. "Am I supposed to be so preoccupied with others, or busying myself with my own relationship with God?" (OK, so I paraphrased BIG TIME – but it's the conveyed message that counts.)

Being more scientifically minded I tend to rely too much on 'compare and contrast' when evaluating the quality of my relationship with God. (Oddly, as I am writing this I am left to wonder if I evaluate any of my other relationships. Do I over-analyze my relationship with God or under-analyze my relationships with others?) But what do other peoples relationships with God have to do with mine? Of course we are to encourage others, but as best as I can see, that is about it. Teach the basics and leave the rest to God and the individual, not stamp out clones. Other's relationship's will probably never reach my standards (and thank God for that), but then, my own will probably never look as "perfect" as others. . .

Establishing the new rules for an underground blogger

OK, so it worked! Much thanks to Bob in Auburn(You are the man. . . but not "The Man". . . because that would be bad).

So yes we have access to the blog and at some point in the near future i will post something more normal. . . well for me. In the meantime i still have super limited access to the blog directly, so if you comment woohoo for me, but i will only be able to see it on a super limited basis (like once every couple of months. So if you know my e-mail please cut and paste it to me also. Feedback is fun.

So hold on to your hats! This obnoxious loud mouth isn't finished yet!

Be at peace friends.

This is only a test!

Greetings all.

 

If this works then my techno-information network has served me well, and there will be more babble and nonsense from my mind here in the near future.

 

. . . this is only a test!

The random check in.

So here i sit, computer-less, trapped in a job that is so worried about it's public image that it forbids employees from jotting down there thoughts at work. It makes good business sense during peak day hours. For those of us vampires . . . well, lets just say, "i got time"!

Summer is in full swing. There are more projects on my to do list than i can shake a small dog at. Roofing, painting, scraping, turkeys, taxidermy. . . why is cloning illegal??

The garden is finally showing some signs of progress. i was certain that all of the veggies had gone into stasis. They were planted and happy looking, but not growing. Of course at that point neither were the weeds and grass. The bad news is that i have three kids under the age of seven (two under the age of three) and it has been raining pretty consistently through the month of July. The good news: i love weeding.

i guess that i will close with a great note of hope. There are others out there. Even here! The kingdom of God is at hand, and there are those who seek to find it and live it with everything they are and have. i am so glad that God is finally crossing our paths!

God uses the senseless to somehow make sense

Odd! God's timing, it's just. . . odd.

The wheels of community are turning. Relationships are being made, the spirit in the air in Maine is growing strong. There is an awakening just around the bend.
In all of this i am being contacted by more random people than ever before who are interested in this community thing (why can't we all live in the same place). And right in the midst of it. . .my employer pulls the plug on nearly all of our Internet access. If it didn't make good business sense i would be angry. If God weren't calling the shots i would be dismayed, annoyed and just plain ol' grumpy about it all. But there is a reason. . . .i just can't see it yet.

That being said, those of you who have been stopping by - be patient. i can not post as much as i used to (as work is the only access i have to a computer) but when i can find a computer, like this one, i will write. The good news i guess is that i am going to have to buy a new journal soon since i found my old one. It isn't feeling quite so neglected anymore.

So James, and the rest of you. i am still alive. . . just not here - as much.

Be at peace. Seek God.

Tilled at last! tilled at last! Thank God almighty it has been tilled at last!!

Confessions first: i rented a tiller. Sad i know, but time was running away with me and the plants need to get in the ground. The good news . . . the garden is tilled and the plants will be in tomorrow.

Dave and Liz move in soon. i am excited. Some where in the deep dark recesses of my mind i hope that we will all throw caution to the wind before they move out in the end of summer and we will just build up! Community - it's gonna happen, Lord willing, it's just a matter of time.

God is good.

Children, Soggy gardens, Hippies, and What is the church anyway?

There is enough mud in my breezeway to plant a garden, and a good thing too. The way it has been raining, and how little time i have had, i may never get the one outside planted.
i have even started to noticed some sort of weird fungus growing on my peat pots that have the starts in them. Tomorrows gonna be another long wet day in the rain with the shovel and the hoe.


How did the mud migrate in you ask? Sunday the fellowship met at our house and we have kids - lots of kids. i am not complaining. Not a bit! There is something wonderful about the sounds of kids playing together and doing all the things that kids should do. What does make me nervous is how there is a smear of grass and mud six feet up my glass door. . . oh well. There was no blood or corpses in the yard at the end of the day.


This was an extra cool Sunday. We had some folks from Lewiston come down for a visit. They are thinking about community and communal living also. It was most liberating to talk at length with them because for the first time in a long time i didn't feel like "some fruit from California". Sometimes it's lonely being in a foreign land with no like minded folk around. But sure enough God be praised, they found us. After everything "wrapped up" for the day, our (dare i say friends) stayed until 9 pm. While i have my suspicions that Amy let the air out of their tires or took the distributor cap off their engine, i must lend some credibility to the idea that they stayed of their own accord.

Aside from having visitors and having like minded folks about, it was cool because i saw in them some of the idealism that i think has dulled in my mind over time. Tough issues like, what does the church look like, what does it do, discipleship, a certain level of uncertainty about the use of "church jargon". It was refreshing to have all of these thoughts renewed, and discussed between kindred, rather than from separate ideological positions.


i am optimistic for their adventures in community in Lewiston. They are city bound folk and that has its advantage when it comes to being near people in need.



The best part. Not only did we talk, and talk in depth, but Renee helped till the garden a bit in the mooky (is that a word?) weather. Thanks Renee!

Meanwhile, back on the farm. . .

i spent the day riding a ROTO-HOE 990-5. For those of you not familiar with cool vintage gardening gear, it is a tiller that i am certain they stopped manufacturing in 1823. It was old, cool, but old - and it made a 2 hour job last all day, and even now the ground isn't where i want it to be. But it is better than nothing. i will finish off the last of it the old fashioned way. Regardless of it's completion, the garden is starting to look like a garden again and i am chomping at the bit to get the veggies in.
i am relatively certain that we have condemned the rooster to death. James (the poultry guy) Russell and i talked about the benefits and negatives about keeping the rooster. We just introduced the new hens into the roost tonight, and he immediately took to tormenting them, so he was separated from the flock. He has a history of domestic violence that goes beyond the simple pecking order - so the long and short of it is that it is time to go. Whether the foxes get him or he goes in the freezer . . .well. . .that is yet to be decided.
Turkeys come next week, and so i have quite a bit of work between now and then between the garden and building the new paddock for the turkeys. . . . jinkies!!

Return to civilization. . .

Another woooooooooonderful weekend at Bellvale with Georg and Maida. . . and the slough of others.
Our trip this time was more relaxed. We still did, but didn't have nearly the social calendar that we did in our autumn visit. We were "hosted" by Georg and Maida, but had the opportunity to sup with the Mercer family again, and connect with Clem and Hummer (Nahum) and Frank, and so many others. The hardest part of going is coming back. We are never really there for the "real work" so i guess that i will at least for the time only have a superficial sense of life but we do get to delve into some good conversation. i do very much enjoy the silly times we have with the bigger groups and chuckling about silliness, but i long for the deeper conversations that i have with Georg and Maida, and even now with Dave Mercer. i am starting to feel really close to them now as well. One thing that i really enjoy about talking with Georg specifically is his innate ability to sense when we are becoming too cynical or too judgemental, or critical, and to steer the conversation back to the positive.
Saturday night there was a special dinner as Shawn had announced his engagement to Naomi and she arrived at Bellvale. What a treat it was. Following that we had a big bonfire and Clem thought it was fitting that we learn some new songs. Others shared songs they had learned, but it wasn't till just before supper that i found out that i got to teach some songs from up here. It made me feel at home, not to get "stage time", but because it reflected true Hof life. Sometimes you get only a moments notice before things happen. So that was cool.

In other news, Amy, who has been suffering from some pretty bad abdominal pains, is going in for more tests and an ultra sound tomorrow. We spent Thursday at the hospital (again!) having her tested and getting a C.T. scan. She was adamant that we would not be cancelling the trip, and once she had been informed that it wasn't appendicitis, she was raring to go. She made it through the weekend well, and seemed to be doing well right up until yesterday morning. She still looks better than she did last week, but i worry about her.

The garden is coming! Bigger, better, more full. The tiller is in the garage, the starts are in the green house and the soil turns in the morning! i love the spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The kingdom of God is like. . . .the Elks club?

i am thankful for the moments when out of no where someone appears to spell out precisely the way i think about things, but am so mentally handicapped as to not be able to put them into words.

If i had a penny for the number of times that i had the conversation about what the Church is, or what it should look like i imagine that i could have retired years ago - if that were right thinking. Funny how the more conversations about the essence of the Church i get to participate in, the more the Church (in my mind) DE-evolves - starting with all of the structure and regiment that religion mandates from my earliest experience to the nearly organized chaos that i think about it today.

Most recently i have been thinking about how the Church is always happening. The Church is the people, not the building or the meetings that we attend. Jesus said, "Where two three come together in my name. . ."

Websters defines communion as: "1 : an act or instance of sharing. 3: intimate fellowship or rapport : COMMUNICATION. 4 : a body of Christians having a common faith and discipline."
i intentionally left out the second definition because it is what we have made communion into. . . the ceremony of eating wafers and sipping grape juice.
Why would i have left that out? Because it's not really communion. It's reflection. Communion involves interaction. The apostle Paul in a letter to the church in Corinth described communion very differently. There was eating and sharing and drinking and people coming together. Granted his letter was a bit of a reprimand because people were coming together without thinking of each other. . . but that is the point. We come together to love one another and God. We see how God is working in each others lives and we are encouraged by it, learn by it, grow by it, etc.

So the Church is always happening. Communion is when people devoted to following Jesus teachings and loving God come together to eat, to pray, to share in labor, to love one another.

i think that i would like us to change the calendar system and remove Sundays altogether. The Church is healthiest when things are happening spontaneously and often. We talk about "Sunday Christians" and how we should be more, but we stick to and encourage our "Sunday Christianity".

Wandering through the history of Israel, we find the followers of God suddenly spewing out in song or praise or poem to God. We find people praying at all times of the day and in life and out loud (genuine prayer doesn't suffer the deficiencies that Jesus addresses in the sermon on the mount). Prophecy happened at times when God revealed things, not when the people scheduled a meeting with God. What has happened to that? What has happened to the days when people were referred to as "God's friends"? i have to wonder if part of the reason that we don't see God they way they did is because we don't have time to see God, nor frankly do we care at times because it crimps our already demanding schedules.

The Homechurchhelp.com link has some of the most concise writing (i think) that i have read in a long time on matters of the church. i am super glad that someone was able to put it into such a straight forward easy to read way.

All in all the best thing for the Church in America today i think is to forget we are Americans. Not that living here isn't great but it would seem that we view God through the beer goggles of our own ideals and expectations. We seem to be willing to serve God so long as he works within our parameters and within our comfortable system of living. We can't be a me-centered comfortable disciple of Jesus knowing that others are starving and being oppressed. It can't be devotion if we aren't totally devoted. So i guess the question is what are we devoted too?

Forgive my ramblings. . .

Even the most power song lyrics or poems on paper are nothing more than a matter of ink stains or graphite dust on compressed plant fibers. The words themselves bear no great significance. i had this revelation while singing (or making some sort of feeble attempt to) along with one of my favorite Conspiracy of Thought songs. A powerful and moving song, but without the vocals, just music and graphite dust on a page.
Even music, as moving and powerful as it is, is empty without the lyrics sung deep from within the human soul.
It made me think about a passage out of the Bible when God was creating people. . .

"The Lord God formed the man from the soil of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."

God made mankind and we are because of that breath of life. Somehow i like to think that it is that breath of life that gives power and motion and. . . well. . .life to songs, to poetry, to conversation.
i guess i don't really know where i am going with this other than to say that if we carry the breath of life in us, and with it we speak, then we should be mindful of the power of words. They can be used to build others up and perform powerful healing for the soul, or they can wage war on our spirits.

Ha! The irony here is that these are nothing more than points of light on a screen unless you read them out loud. . . or maybe in your head counts too. i will have to think more about that. . .

. . .And become a duck!

Anyone who willfully fights the temptation to go to this website:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
needs to have their grip on reality checked.

Today was the follow up appointment for my hernia operation. Aside from the pure joy (please note the tones of sarcasm here) of having the opportunity to defrock in the presence of a virtual stranger it was an interesting morning. i am not so sure that i should call this man a stranger, after all, he has seen more of my inner workings than i have. He was kind enough to bring very clear color photos of my insides with him, and a great picture of the chicken mesh that they installed after its placement. It's a strange thing for me to imagine that i have a piece of a trolling net inside my abdomen helping to hold me together.

Have i mentioned that i like llamas? Well, i don't actually like them, but they provide for an endless source of entertainment. If the link above isn't enough, run down to your local video store and rent Monty Pythons Quest for the Holy Grail. You don't even have to watch the movie - just the opening credits! How great is that?!?!?!?

They say laughter is the best medicine. . . .it certains hurts less than having chicken mesh installed in your belly.

The uncertainty of the freedom of thought. . .

i read the constitution of the United States of America today, and about the history of some of those who signed it. Fascinating! Perhaps i need a hobby or something.
This being Monday i am just days away from losing my Internet connection, or at least so i have been led to believe. The closer the date comes, the less consistent the answers that i hear from the various supervisors regarding the implementation on the "new" Internet policy. i say "new" because it is the same Internet policy that has always existed, they have just opted to enforce it. . . or so i have been led to believe. There are other policies that i have been told are going to be "gray areas", meaning they exist, but are not going to be enforced. Strange really.

In all i am both amused and saddened. . . or so i have been led to believe. The existence of an Internet policy forbidding its use means that again i will have total freedom from all but the "basic" technologies. It will amount to something like living in the seventies. On the other hand i have thoroughly enjoyed this forum for allowing thoughts to incompletely unravel.

All that aside it was another amazing thought filled weekend. i have come to cherish the weekends. The humdrum monotony of the week seems to drain the ecstasy out of life, but the weekends, in all of their emotional variety make life fun again. Not so much because i am free from work, but because i am challenged by the folks that i am with to think, and rethink.
One of this weekends thoughts as i explored the kind of love that Jesus taught, was how many kinds of love are there? When i tell my wife that i love her, do i say it with any sense of meaning behind it? Is it a different love than i hope to show those around me? It would seem that the answer is yes. It has become a thoughtless love (if there is such a thing), an easy love. When i say, that i love my wife do i mean the love that is patient, and kind. Love that does not envy, does not boast, is not proud. Love that is not rude, not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
Or do i mean a love that gets by another day, that co-habitates, and survives for no other purpose than because it has to?
If i can not love my wife with the fullness that love has to offer, how can i expect to love those around me with the same?

Life is short. . . Love obnoxiously!