Meanwhile, back on the farm. . .

i spent the day riding a ROTO-HOE 990-5. For those of you not familiar with cool vintage gardening gear, it is a tiller that i am certain they stopped manufacturing in 1823. It was old, cool, but old - and it made a 2 hour job last all day, and even now the ground isn't where i want it to be. But it is better than nothing. i will finish off the last of it the old fashioned way. Regardless of it's completion, the garden is starting to look like a garden again and i am chomping at the bit to get the veggies in.
i am relatively certain that we have condemned the rooster to death. James (the poultry guy) Russell and i talked about the benefits and negatives about keeping the rooster. We just introduced the new hens into the roost tonight, and he immediately took to tormenting them, so he was separated from the flock. He has a history of domestic violence that goes beyond the simple pecking order - so the long and short of it is that it is time to go. Whether the foxes get him or he goes in the freezer . . .well. . .that is yet to be decided.
Turkeys come next week, and so i have quite a bit of work between now and then between the garden and building the new paddock for the turkeys. . . . jinkies!!

Return to civilization. . .

Another woooooooooonderful weekend at Bellvale with Georg and Maida. . . and the slough of others.
Our trip this time was more relaxed. We still did, but didn't have nearly the social calendar that we did in our autumn visit. We were "hosted" by Georg and Maida, but had the opportunity to sup with the Mercer family again, and connect with Clem and Hummer (Nahum) and Frank, and so many others. The hardest part of going is coming back. We are never really there for the "real work" so i guess that i will at least for the time only have a superficial sense of life but we do get to delve into some good conversation. i do very much enjoy the silly times we have with the bigger groups and chuckling about silliness, but i long for the deeper conversations that i have with Georg and Maida, and even now with Dave Mercer. i am starting to feel really close to them now as well. One thing that i really enjoy about talking with Georg specifically is his innate ability to sense when we are becoming too cynical or too judgemental, or critical, and to steer the conversation back to the positive.
Saturday night there was a special dinner as Shawn had announced his engagement to Naomi and she arrived at Bellvale. What a treat it was. Following that we had a big bonfire and Clem thought it was fitting that we learn some new songs. Others shared songs they had learned, but it wasn't till just before supper that i found out that i got to teach some songs from up here. It made me feel at home, not to get "stage time", but because it reflected true Hof life. Sometimes you get only a moments notice before things happen. So that was cool.

In other news, Amy, who has been suffering from some pretty bad abdominal pains, is going in for more tests and an ultra sound tomorrow. We spent Thursday at the hospital (again!) having her tested and getting a C.T. scan. She was adamant that we would not be cancelling the trip, and once she had been informed that it wasn't appendicitis, she was raring to go. She made it through the weekend well, and seemed to be doing well right up until yesterday morning. She still looks better than she did last week, but i worry about her.

The garden is coming! Bigger, better, more full. The tiller is in the garage, the starts are in the green house and the soil turns in the morning! i love the spring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The kingdom of God is like. . . .the Elks club?

i am thankful for the moments when out of no where someone appears to spell out precisely the way i think about things, but am so mentally handicapped as to not be able to put them into words.

If i had a penny for the number of times that i had the conversation about what the Church is, or what it should look like i imagine that i could have retired years ago - if that were right thinking. Funny how the more conversations about the essence of the Church i get to participate in, the more the Church (in my mind) DE-evolves - starting with all of the structure and regiment that religion mandates from my earliest experience to the nearly organized chaos that i think about it today.

Most recently i have been thinking about how the Church is always happening. The Church is the people, not the building or the meetings that we attend. Jesus said, "Where two three come together in my name. . ."

Websters defines communion as: "1 : an act or instance of sharing. 3: intimate fellowship or rapport : COMMUNICATION. 4 : a body of Christians having a common faith and discipline."
i intentionally left out the second definition because it is what we have made communion into. . . the ceremony of eating wafers and sipping grape juice.
Why would i have left that out? Because it's not really communion. It's reflection. Communion involves interaction. The apostle Paul in a letter to the church in Corinth described communion very differently. There was eating and sharing and drinking and people coming together. Granted his letter was a bit of a reprimand because people were coming together without thinking of each other. . . but that is the point. We come together to love one another and God. We see how God is working in each others lives and we are encouraged by it, learn by it, grow by it, etc.

So the Church is always happening. Communion is when people devoted to following Jesus teachings and loving God come together to eat, to pray, to share in labor, to love one another.

i think that i would like us to change the calendar system and remove Sundays altogether. The Church is healthiest when things are happening spontaneously and often. We talk about "Sunday Christians" and how we should be more, but we stick to and encourage our "Sunday Christianity".

Wandering through the history of Israel, we find the followers of God suddenly spewing out in song or praise or poem to God. We find people praying at all times of the day and in life and out loud (genuine prayer doesn't suffer the deficiencies that Jesus addresses in the sermon on the mount). Prophecy happened at times when God revealed things, not when the people scheduled a meeting with God. What has happened to that? What has happened to the days when people were referred to as "God's friends"? i have to wonder if part of the reason that we don't see God they way they did is because we don't have time to see God, nor frankly do we care at times because it crimps our already demanding schedules.

The Homechurchhelp.com link has some of the most concise writing (i think) that i have read in a long time on matters of the church. i am super glad that someone was able to put it into such a straight forward easy to read way.

All in all the best thing for the Church in America today i think is to forget we are Americans. Not that living here isn't great but it would seem that we view God through the beer goggles of our own ideals and expectations. We seem to be willing to serve God so long as he works within our parameters and within our comfortable system of living. We can't be a me-centered comfortable disciple of Jesus knowing that others are starving and being oppressed. It can't be devotion if we aren't totally devoted. So i guess the question is what are we devoted too?

Forgive my ramblings. . .

Even the most power song lyrics or poems on paper are nothing more than a matter of ink stains or graphite dust on compressed plant fibers. The words themselves bear no great significance. i had this revelation while singing (or making some sort of feeble attempt to) along with one of my favorite Conspiracy of Thought songs. A powerful and moving song, but without the vocals, just music and graphite dust on a page.
Even music, as moving and powerful as it is, is empty without the lyrics sung deep from within the human soul.
It made me think about a passage out of the Bible when God was creating people. . .

"The Lord God formed the man from the soil of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."

God made mankind and we are because of that breath of life. Somehow i like to think that it is that breath of life that gives power and motion and. . . well. . .life to songs, to poetry, to conversation.
i guess i don't really know where i am going with this other than to say that if we carry the breath of life in us, and with it we speak, then we should be mindful of the power of words. They can be used to build others up and perform powerful healing for the soul, or they can wage war on our spirits.

Ha! The irony here is that these are nothing more than points of light on a screen unless you read them out loud. . . or maybe in your head counts too. i will have to think more about that. . .

. . .And become a duck!

Anyone who willfully fights the temptation to go to this website:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
needs to have their grip on reality checked.

Today was the follow up appointment for my hernia operation. Aside from the pure joy (please note the tones of sarcasm here) of having the opportunity to defrock in the presence of a virtual stranger it was an interesting morning. i am not so sure that i should call this man a stranger, after all, he has seen more of my inner workings than i have. He was kind enough to bring very clear color photos of my insides with him, and a great picture of the chicken mesh that they installed after its placement. It's a strange thing for me to imagine that i have a piece of a trolling net inside my abdomen helping to hold me together.

Have i mentioned that i like llamas? Well, i don't actually like them, but they provide for an endless source of entertainment. If the link above isn't enough, run down to your local video store and rent Monty Pythons Quest for the Holy Grail. You don't even have to watch the movie - just the opening credits! How great is that?!?!?!?

They say laughter is the best medicine. . . .it certains hurts less than having chicken mesh installed in your belly.

The uncertainty of the freedom of thought. . .

i read the constitution of the United States of America today, and about the history of some of those who signed it. Fascinating! Perhaps i need a hobby or something.
This being Monday i am just days away from losing my Internet connection, or at least so i have been led to believe. The closer the date comes, the less consistent the answers that i hear from the various supervisors regarding the implementation on the "new" Internet policy. i say "new" because it is the same Internet policy that has always existed, they have just opted to enforce it. . . or so i have been led to believe. There are other policies that i have been told are going to be "gray areas", meaning they exist, but are not going to be enforced. Strange really.

In all i am both amused and saddened. . . or so i have been led to believe. The existence of an Internet policy forbidding its use means that again i will have total freedom from all but the "basic" technologies. It will amount to something like living in the seventies. On the other hand i have thoroughly enjoyed this forum for allowing thoughts to incompletely unravel.

All that aside it was another amazing thought filled weekend. i have come to cherish the weekends. The humdrum monotony of the week seems to drain the ecstasy out of life, but the weekends, in all of their emotional variety make life fun again. Not so much because i am free from work, but because i am challenged by the folks that i am with to think, and rethink.
One of this weekends thoughts as i explored the kind of love that Jesus taught, was how many kinds of love are there? When i tell my wife that i love her, do i say it with any sense of meaning behind it? Is it a different love than i hope to show those around me? It would seem that the answer is yes. It has become a thoughtless love (if there is such a thing), an easy love. When i say, that i love my wife do i mean the love that is patient, and kind. Love that does not envy, does not boast, is not proud. Love that is not rude, not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
Or do i mean a love that gets by another day, that co-habitates, and survives for no other purpose than because it has to?
If i can not love my wife with the fullness that love has to offer, how can i expect to love those around me with the same?

Life is short. . . Love obnoxiously!

Simplify and distractions. . .

Ups and downs. . . every feel like you are the roller coaster car, carrying the masses of joyriders. The number of people that fill the cars affects the ride. There are days when i really wonder what normal, or perhaps stable is a better word feels like.
The benefit of all of the chaos is that the bad is balanced by the good.

In spite of my weakness, good things can happen, even if those good things are little they are still good. The church met at our house this weekend. i really haven't felt all that inspired to teach, in fact i don't believe that i do teach. i lack the focus to sit down and really study a topic from its many angles to put a lesson together, and the wisdom and education to teach my elders. Fact of the matter is i am not sure that my attitude has been in the right spot. There are days when i have emotionally, or through human logic resigned myself to the idea that i deserve hell, and that it is my destiny. Tell me that's not a shallow understanding of grace!

A week ago the men got together and one of our number shared that he felt that our time together had become too lackadaisical. That we were lacking in a sincere sense of reverence for God. By and large i agreed with him at the time, but the response was to become more "structured" more "scheduled". This bucks at everything that i know and love. What stings all the more is knowing that (and i can say this in love) some of my friends are time Nazis. i have always drawn from the wisdom of the movie "Thunderheart". In it one of the older, wiser characters says, "White man's time will give you stomach cancer".
More to my thinking though is how can we schedule our feelings? It is one thing to set aside a time for something occasionally, but how can you say, "i will really feel like singing worship to God at this same time every week" or, "i will really be in a place where i can humbly and without distraction talk to God every week at this time"?
i guess perhaps you can. As i said before, you can at least set the time aside, but to go into something like prayer with the wrong attitude, or distracted, or to sing songs of thankfulness to God while harboring an angry heart . . . is that worth it? Is it even sincere? To me it cheapens the whole experience. It's like saying, "Here is my half hearted effort God. It's really all your worth."

So how does last weeks rant, tie into this weeks events. . .
Let's just say that i went home, um, flustered. The conversation that morning and the responses to it and the way it governed the morning hampered my mood. i don't think that i could tell you what we talked about after that, and i really felt like i had to flee the area so as not to hamper the moods of others. During the following week though some of us talked about it, and i stewed on it. It lead me to the conclusion that perhaps some structure is a good thing. As i said, i agreed with my friend. Then came this last Sunday morning. We were few. Many were away or sick, which was fine. When it came to the "lesson", which in my house is little more than the "conversation" as i am trying to learn more than teach. i made a few errors in translation, and a few presumptions (that while i was certain they were correct, i was not prepared to back up my arguments) that showed my true weakness in this area. We did however stick pretty close to "the schedule". But it was all in the hindsight that i made some observations about my own ability to apply myself during the week to pull a study together, and how much more i need to read, and pray and be solid. All of this realization happening in a good way. . .

And so another week begins. Today is my wife's birthday. . .if it wasn't three in the morning i would call her to wish her a happy birthday!

Leadership, independence and unity. . .

i have to confess a bit of jealousy. As i float around the world wide web (which wont be for much longer if the boss has his way) i see a number of small fellowships that are bonded together with this intense sense (that sorta rhymed) of singularity of purpose. It exists in different degrees in different groups. Some sacrifice all ties to individuality for the sake of the group and the others in the group. Other fellowships maintain some small amount of independence, but sacrifice almost all else for the common cause of their community. The New England area is staunchly independent and "traditional" for lack of a better term. i am jealous because i would like to see our fellowship working toward a stronger sense of community, but the group is not at a place where they are willing to sacrifice much of themselves. . . and apparently neither am i willing to budge on my ideals. This of course is just an observation and not a bitter critique.
After having read The Way of Jesus (Campbell and Campbell) i am left thinking that there is something important about all of us disciples acting as independent sojourners in life that come together occasionally for the purpose of building one another up, then moving on. The other extreme, the one i covet, walks on the fringe of becoming more organized to the point of loosing it's identity and becoming just another "organized church".

Perhaps i am just co-dependant, but still i would like to see a fellowship in the southern Maine area that is striving for community together with the intention of living out the Kingdom of God on earth (as much as that is possible). Working together so that we can pool our resources and pour ourselves out for the homeless, the widows, the orphans, the elderly and the oppressed. The last couple of weeks our Sunday fellowship has been talking about structure, and from that leadership has been a reoccurring topic.
The old Chinese proverb says, "When the people are ready the master will come."
My question is . . .without the master will the people ever be ready? i guess it is the proverbial chicken and egg. Can the leader inspire the people toward a new way of thinking/living or do the people have to be ready to move forward before the leader can be effective?
This is not an easy thing to know. Less easy is really letting go and shifting the way we think about life and living, and our expectations for the quality of life. After all, life is eternal, not limited to the here and now. Sometimes i don't wonder if we just lack the proper motivation.
What would it take to motivate us?

Yea, so i am back. . .

. . . But not just because i am an addict. Also because i sit in front of a computer forty plus hours a week often times with nothing else to do. BORING! And then it helps me to unwind my mind. i hate that i have such a hard time translating my thoughts to spoken words, and that i am not an eloquent or confident speaker. Often times i have enough trouble bring my thoughts out period. This helps, as does my bound journal.
i have learned this: i am not bothered to loose access to the Internet any longer. Obviously i don't have the Internet at home, and my only easy access is at work. They are threatening to remove it here, and originally i was really irritated and a bit saddened. It would seem that a lot of the contacts that i have made recently can be blamed on web surfing, but i am so disassociated from my neighbors. i was worried that i would loose touch (sadly even with those who are closest with me) but not any more. i just have to focus on living in the here and the now. where am i? Am i New York? Am i in China? Where are the people that i can do the greatest good to/for?
The second thing that i have learned is how full of crap i can be. By full of crap i don't just mean "Full of crap", but how much garbage floats around in my brain and affects my out look on life.
i received an e-mail from a friend. It was simple, even a bit exciting, but i read into it, negativity and frustration which induced fear, timidity and resentment. It took a bit but i think that it helped me to better understand humility.
What remains difficult is how to be sure about this "humility". It really is a repulsively pleasant mix of melancholy, apprehension, sorrow, excitement, joy, peace and restfulness - a restfulness like you've just woken up from a most satisfying nap. Nothing to prove and nothing to fear. A smallness of sorts.
Maybe i am wrong about it all. Before i dreaded a meeting, now i am excited about it. Now if i can only come to terms about this whole work thing. i'd really like to not hate it here anymore, not think about it when i am not here anymore. And then there is that whole computer thing. . .

We The People (a brief return from hiatus)

There were only a handful of us in the coffee shop this morning. Those of us who weren't trying to make repairs to our houses, or salvage what we could without power, or drain our basements were trying to make a full effort at carrying on life as "normal". Many of the usual spooks at the cafe were in good spirits laughing and making light of the chaos around us. But there is always one, the life form that is assigned to reign supreme at the other end of the spectrum, bringing balance to all things in nature.
He was a stocky man, bundled up in drab colors. Apropos for his mood and the stormy weather that was following him. His conversation was scant unless it was to open up both barrels on the town or the state, or the local utilities for failing him. All attempts to bring sunlight to his day were shot down and shut out, and what were we to do but sit and listen to the bitter tirades. On more than one occasion i was tempted to open up the door of reality and let in a little sunshine, but i thought better of it.
He was angry because he was momentarily inconvenienced.
That same storm that overshadowed him had a sister, equally steeped in rage, and darkness, wrath and hatred. To those who lived through the longest day of their lives at Virginia Tech the storms that uprooted trees and knocked out power and flooded basements couldn't even begin to pale in comparison.
As the news of both storms unfolded there was a common thread. . . whose fault is this? Even before the campus was secured CNN was broadcasting people's anger over whether or not the local police department or school departments acted appropriately in notifying students of events of the morning. Basements in New England were still filling with water and trees knocking down line after line of power and the people were crying out, "Why could the power company prevent this?"
The answer to this is simply wounded into the threads of an old proverb, "Pride comes before the fall."
We puff ourselves up with the ideology that we are invincible, that nothing can touch us; and then it does. i work for an emergency dispatch center where i have been told that 911 can never fail. . . then it did. Terrorists can never hurt us. . . then there was 9/11. Our government agencies plan and train, and re-plan and create new agencies so that we should be prepared for anything that comes our way. Then God allows us to see how tiny and ultimately insignificant we are.
Yes, we are loved above all creation, but we are also stubborn and prideful, and frankly selfish above all creation too.
What am i to say to the man who lost his power? Whose fault is it?
The answer:
It's his. And its mine, and its yours, and its everyone who continues to foster a mentality that we are owed something. It's the fault of everyone who encourages the idea that we shouldn't have to take responsibility for our own problems and issues, everyone who is convinced that somehow the universe revolves around us, everyone who refuses to accept that sometimes things happen that are outside our control, and that we are given NO guarantees in life.

And to those who lost children, brothers, cousins, sisters and friends what should i say?
i weep with you! i mourn with you! i am appalled and empty with you! But whose fault is it?
It is Cho's and it is yours, and mine. It is the fault of every person who continues to foster a society that is becoming increasingly distant from one another for the glorious sake of independence. It is the fault of all of those who cast aside family members when they become frail or too difficult to handle in the name of convenience and capitalism. It is the fault of ever person who did not try to embrace Cho, and the fault of every person who encourages separation by class, or race, or ideology. We who expect that nothing should ever happen to us, that nothing will ever happen to us, because "we deserve", that are shamefully to blame. To those who will make this the hot topic of day, the soap box and the political dog and pony show in the name their own carriers, on them the blame falls. Or to all of us who convince ourselves and others that somehow we can stop all of the evil in the world through legislation and removal of freedoms, war and bloodshed instead of through love and the changing of hearts and attitudes, it is we who are guilty.

Isolation and self reliance are traps - trails that lead us into the wilderness.
To be vulnerable to one another, to love one another, to encourage one another, to tend to the needs of one another, to submit to one another in love. . . these are just the beginnings of the remedies that we need to fight terrorism, crime, despair, loneliness, and evil. Politics wont do it. Legislation wont do it, the stripping of our freedoms wont do it.

my prayers are with the families of those lost and with the survivors and witnesses in Virginia who will never be the same. Perhaps from their loss our momentary inconvenience in the wake of the great Patriots Day storm can be brought into better perspective.

Make eye contact with someone random on the street today. Say hello. Heck, hug someone you don't know!

Computer Hiatus

It's been a long time coming, but the time is now.

Gonna take a bit of a break from the online world. No more blogs, no more e-mail, all gonna go out the window for a bit. The street signs are pointing away from worldwide distraction for a while.
Sometimes i think that we get so hung up on being connected to people that we get connected to people that we can't make any real connection with.
While i am chatting with my friends on the otherside of the world, i neglect the people in my own backyard. i wanna get back to that.

So, God willing i will return soon, with a better perspective on life.

Be at peace.

Sleeping soundly

i work nights. i seldom sleep anymore, and when i do it is even more rare that i enter into deep sleep or that i wake up refreshed.

Today was different though. my sleep was broken up into two periods. After a twelve hour shift last night i stayed up so that we could get the kids pictures taken. That was a bit of a chore. By the time we got in to do it, it was darned near nap time and the little ones were way too fidgety.
i got to bed late. . . like 11 am and slept for about 5 hours. A huge chunk of sleeping time in my world, but still i woke up exhausted.
i was up Amy and the kids for the evening, had supper, put the kids to bed. Momma, James and i sat on the couch and read books and listened to James radio program, then i laid down. It was weird. . .

It was a lucid dream. Peaceful. i had apparently purchased a two floor Victorian house with three rooms. At first it was just me in the house. Then my parents came over and my father helped me makes some repairs. i was cognizant of my acrophobia so he did all of the high stuff. Time fast forwarded a bit and there were many of us living in the house. Men and women, we all lived together and it was cool. We had crammed people into just about every possible nook and cranny, but there was still plenty of room. People kept coming. One person left. . .that was really sad.
Time fast forwarded again. The house was still there and all the people still lived in it, and i was still in contact with all of them, but i don't think that i lived there full time. i was in the city, with another guy, older and pretty charismatic. He had access to a radio program and we were outside of an old movie theater. We were trying to raise funds to buy it to set it up the same way we had modified the Victorian. . .so lots of people could live in it.
Outside there was a whole mess of people standing around offering support or just hanging out with us. They were poor, many of them, but not all. They didn't just fit into one demographic, there were all kinds of people from all different countries. It was amazing and beautiful.
We all began dancing together as we neared our goal and knew that we were going to acquire the building. And we danced and danced. As we danced i ended up with a little boy from Guatemala. An amazing boy with dark eyes and a broad smile. He was happy. As happy as he had been in a long time. He was an orphan with nowhere to go. And all the people were dancing.
As we danced i decided that i was going to adopt him, and the older man, the radio guy, agreed to help out with the process. It was just pure joy, peace, and happiness.
Then i woke up. Rested!

i am still riding the wave of that emotion. . . untouchable!

"'In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.'"

- Acts 2:17

Church and State. . .

Lets pretend for a minute that i am not overly critical. . . no, on second thought, lets live in reality.
i get a good chuckle from my wife's boss. She is a great person, a few years my senior and full of life and energy. In fact she is in close competition with my two year old for the most energy contained in a living body. . . but she makes me laugh. She doesn't like to talk with me much about serious things because, as she likes to point out, i am too critical. "Not bad critical," she says.i play the Devil's advocate a lot. i don't know why i just do. i am conscious of it all; my critical nature and my problem with authority and structure.As if to challenge me, the other day my two year old opts to touch the dial on the radio. Big NO-NO! Especially when daddy is listening to the BBC News report. But he did and of all the stations he could have turned it to it had to be the BBN - the Bible Broadcast Network; Mind Washing Radio.Now wait, you say. michial you believe in God, and Jesus. How can you say this about a "Christian" radio station?Well, a radio station can not be "Christian" any more than a rock can be "Christian", or a ball of snot can be "Christian". To be "Christian" is to decide to become obedient to the teachings of Jesus and last i checked radio frequencies, rocks and balls of snot have no consciousness or powers of decision making. Yes i am a bit anal retentive too.So my son changes the channel, and i hear the call sign and my heart sinks. But then i think. . ."There must be a divine reason for this. i will leave it tuned in for a bit and listen."Then it happened. The worst possible thing ever (well, maybe not the worst possible thing, but pretty close in my book). Owen had changed the channels right between broadcasts, and it was the beginning of a new program. It was the "Janet Parshall's America" show. Now, i have never heard of Janet Parshall, nor had i heard her program before, nor will i tell her that she has no right to an opinion. . . .nor will i ever waste that much of my already far too short life again. After surviving the five minutes of the program that i could stomach i had to change the channel. Partly to avoid vomiting and partly to keep a reign on my really negative thoughts (i have been trying, albeit not all that successfully to be less critical and focus on the good).It was all i could do not to vomit. In her broadcast that day she was publicly maligning a peace protest in Washington D.C. against the war in Iraq, and supporting (as far as i could tell) the war, and also supporting the troops. Now, i am all for supporting the troops, but supporting a war where people are being killed. . . Further how can anybody justify using God's name to support this war or any war? Especially the church? Where do ever see Jesus condoning war? And if we are going to try to use God to justify this war (in a country were we have capitalistic interests. . .OIL), how is it that we shy away from saving the families and children of places like Darfur (where oddly we have no interests outside of the sanctity of human life and love for mankind - a far more valuable commodity) who are being slaughtered and genocide is happening on an almost grander scale than Saddam was guilty of? How do we justify that? {For those of you who just said to yourselves something along the lines of "We ought to just nuke 'em all," get off your selfish saddle and try living in real poverty with no voice in civilization and no sense of hope for a week.}And at what point did we become the chosen nation of God?? Yes, we may have more freedom than most, but even our sense of freedom is skewed.Lastly, as i understood from her broadcast both of the protests being held (one was pro-peace, the other was a pro-war counter protest) where being sponsored or at least supported by those who claim to follow Jesus. How is this possible??Ugh, what a nauseating state of being God's church is in. i turned off the radio and my head spun at the idea that anyone could present a pro-America (or pro-any nation for that matter), pro-war, pro-self interest, pro-capitalism God. It was like the church has replaced Yahweh with Capitalism-weh and we are reaching for salvation through a relationship with our lord and saviour George Bush and the holy Republican spirit has been left with us to impart special gifts of making our pockets full off cash through magic snot-hankies. Next week we are going to get the gift of Stock-market-discernment. Now before you get your knickers in a bunch, i am not democratic either. Still i spent time thinking about it. i felt a bit guilty. i thought about Amy's boss. i wondered if perhaps i was being too judgemental (not about the show but about the BBN network as a whole). The network is not all bad, like most everything else, the network is not black and white. They do also present some good perspective on the Bible. So i am forcing myself to listen to it and to pick out the good in it (with exclusion of any time they may try to mix politics and religion). Hopefully someday i will pluck the good from all things before allowing the critical brain to kick in.
In the meant time the New Conspiracy of Thought CD is out and it ROCKS!
Here is a look at the prospective new national prayer:
Our master who art our stomach greed shall be thy name.
Convenience come, I'm number one
So don't try to get in my way.
Give me today an easier life
And forgive us our trespass
As we trespass onto lands that don't belong to us.And lead us not into conscience
But deliver us from social responsibility
For ours is the kingdom, and the power
And the domination forever and ever. . .
Amen

Seventy and sunny. . . weird

March. Not just March, but March 14Th (well, it was yesterday) and it was 70 degrees in my backyard. There is something tremendously wrong with that. i am not complaining, i enjoyed it, but it isn't normal. Global warming oppositionists - explain yesterday to me.

i spent a bit of time at the coffee shop this morning - killing time before getting my oil changed. i can never really tell what my intentions for going there are anymore. i used to go there to have chai and philosophize with my small group of friends. Lately i have been reading. . .well that's what i tell myself. i don't wonder if i am having more fun people watching now. Wondering, who they are, all those coffee addicted folk, what they are up to today? What makes them tick? Our species fascinates me if for no other reason than we (and yes i said we - i am pretty dumb too)just kind of hum-drum along as life passes us by. We hide in our little worlds. We are in contact with literally thousands of people each day yet we make no attempt to make any sort of real contact with them. Its probably not possible. . . to connect with that many people all in one day and have any sense of real connection with them.

Hmmmm. OK i am just rambling now. Good morning.

Living with a hernia. . . .

Yea, i didn't think you would remember that classic Weird Al Yankovic tune either. It only came to me because it has become sort of an anthem at the moment. That and i was a total freak as a child (not that much of that has changed).
But yes, after a night of tossing and turning i was coerced into going to the doctor where they pronounced me "invalid".
Did they help me feel better? No! They referred me to someone else for that. And that someone else (the Casco Bay Surgical Team) says that i can wait two weeks for a "check up" appointment.
Not that i am woohoo-gungho about having a surgery, but man this just ain't comfy anymore.

The highlight to all of this is that my wife feels vindicated. i had to go, give a urine specimen, get violated by a stranger, then get an ultrasound. She says it serves me right, seeing as she has had to do it three times (pregnancies. . .).

The difference. . . at least she got to squeeze a watermelon sized parasite out of an orifice the size of a lemon. All i am going to get is: groped again, and some silly stitches.

What the heck?!?!?!

i wish i had been more proactive. . . maybe even honest

Good Night Edie.

Bye bye little internet guy. . .

AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH! OK not really.

But it is true. i am soon to loose my Internet access. i thought it to be rumor, but it is not. This is bad news for the scrambled little electrons here that are looking for purpose in existence, and great news for my bound paper journal - it has been getting dusty since the discovery of the blog.
The easy (and yet kinda lame) cure. . . get hired by Compassion. Then i will have to buy a computer, and get an Internet connection at home. Lame - o. i will be laughing stock of my friends, who know that i am not such a big fan of technology in the household (mostly because i can be a closet addict).

But that's all OK! i still have my paper journal, and it will suffice.

In other news, it has been decided. . . we are finishing off the roof in the the spring, and as soon as the weather warms, we are finishing off the basement. . . again. The time has come to take a leap of faith in this whole community thing, and actually rebuild the space that will be for another couple. There are some folks that are wanting to move in already, but that is two steps ahead of where we are. In the mean time we will just have to get motivated (need warm weather for that) and get cracking down stairs. Our target date - July 1 to be ready to move someone in!

Only God knows what will come of this. . .

It was a great night at the Dogfish.

Between the aroma of cigarette stained clothes and the fragrance of ales riding the waves of heat from the boiler i found the crowd a bit different than anticipated. A mix of artsy folk, mingled with just a sprinkling of younger folk, the late twenties, early thirties crowd was well represented. Women looking for men, and men for women, and women wanting to be left to themselves. There was our crowd, that was irritating the wait staff, because only a couple of us were drinking, and there was the token redneck - but he was just pacing the building as though he lost his favorite beat up Chevy underneath one of the tables.
Rogue Electric opened the night. It was a decent mix of quiet and upbeat. I was super ready by the time Tree by Leaf took the stage. Ready to watch the crowd, study their reaction, follow the ebb and flow of their emotions. i was tired, i am tired, but when the Leaf took the stage it was all gone. No more tired.
i was a bit saddened though by one fellow. He was seated next to my wife, and clearly not all in his right mind. The beer probably didn't help. He took and instant liking to my wife (i mean after all, who wouldn't?), but he was less than debonair about it. Our response, i am sure, should have been different. We should have loved him and prayed for him, and perhaps some did. i did. Instead we laughed. i did that too.
Ultimately he was invited outside by one of the bouncer. i hope that he has someplace to stay tonight. It was a good night, i hope there is a warm place for him tonight.
i had to work at 0300 this morning. It wasn't till about 2230 that i realized that i had been drinking. . .that was pretty funny.

What a day.

The storm has come and gone! Snow, snow, snow.
Had to snow blow the driveway twice. . . OK i only did half the job the second time around. i'll finish it tomorrow. Oh, and the mail box disappeared, but that is another long story. i managed to fish around a snow drift, find it, dig it out and put it back up, we will see if we can make it till spring.

The application and resume are officially away!!! i applied with Compassion International last night. Trying not to get too excited about it, but i love the outfit, the prospect of working from home, and not over night shifts!!! Plus. . .its not here. i like what i do, but the new environment, the hours, and the constant stresses are just wearing on everyone. Its all up to God now. . .

Touching my roots. . .

i like songs from the heart best.
They have no need for revision or correction.
Their rhythm has just the perfect gait.
The melody glistens and the harmony dances.
Seldom are they written on more than the heart
And the wind.
Sometimes i can't hear my heart.
Sometimes i forget it's beating.
But not today, or tomorrow.
Its singing a lullaby
Tickling my toes
It's anthem waving my roots.
Nudging gently; wake up oh sleeper.
Here we are.
My soul's holdfast giggles
Absorbs nutrients
Passes memory's chlorophyll to my all.
And i stretch and reach and yawn
And smile again.